JUST SCREWW YOUUUUUUUUUU.
But yay Tuesday free with TC tomorrow >:]
YEAHYEAHYEAH! ^^
CS just made me cry.
Not on purpose, he never would.
But he said that i dont ever have to feel forced to contact him.
Is that how he really feels?
That i force myself to speak to him?
Doesnt he know that i miss him too?
He makes it sound like its only him that misses me.
I miss all my friends.
Its hard not seeing them all the time.
Doesnt he know that he means a lot to me too?
I dunno why i cried, but like, it makes it sound like he thinks im forcing myself to speak to him when im not, i just like speaking to him...
True, TC and i are back together, but that doesnt mean that our friendship has changed.
He was there for me when i needed my friends most, and i dont think he understands or gets how much i appreciated that.
Whenever i see he's online, i always smile and think, gotta speak to my oppa ^^
And sometimes, il just text him cos i wanna talk.
But i never knew that he felt that way about it =s
That he thinks that i only do it cos he said he misses us talking all the time.
Im sorry you thought that CS.
I never meant it to be that way =s
I get scared of losing you, you mean a lot to me, im sorry.
So many things i gotta apologise for today.
Me and AS were fine last night, on the phone and everything.
But this morning i walk into her form room and she shuns me.
I ask her whats wrong, an expected response of 'nothing' when there blatently is something.
I dunno what ive done.
Why is it always me, apologising for something where i dont even know what ive done?
But i know that ive upset her, and i hate seeing her upset.
Shes so much cuter when shes happier ^^
I think she thinks i dont care about her just cos i have TC now.
Shes wrong.
This happened last time, she went all quiet on me, thinking she was second best.
Ho's before bro's.
Say no more.
Im not gonna lie, hes pretty important to me, but AS is really really important too, shes my best friend.
I hate seeing her ignore me.
Like, it actually makes me feel frigging suicidal.
I know she has a way of dealing with things where shes really quiet and like, she has to ignore me for a period of time before she can speak to me again.
Its like her own special way of dealing with it.
I remember she blogged once, saying that she was jealous that i spent time with him.
Shes so silly.
Aish.
The only reason i didnt spend time with her today was cos in the morning, she completely boyed me =s
And i didnt even know what i did.
Aish, i dunno what to do.
Recently, she gets in moods with me really easily.
Like, its like shes getting sick of me.
She said a few weeks ago that she couldnt even trust me anymore, that she couldnt believe me and that she couldnt even talk to me.
What have i done?
Is it cos of the stuff thats happened with TC?
Things that happen with him really shouldnt affect our friendship, i know you saw me get hurt and how much it hurt you seeing me being hurt.
But that shouldnt have affected our friendship, if i meant a lot to you, youd know that it wouldnt have affected anything because youd still mean so much to me.
I want us to be us :(
Whats going on? ><
Im already trying really hard not to talk about him as much in front of her cos i know how it affects her.
I remember one time as well, she blogged that she was really scared shed lose me.
Doesnt she think that i get scared too?
She knows i get scared.
Not only for things related to friends, school, TC, my parents.
She knows all my insecurities, but she doesnt know that im fucking scared to lose her.
I get worried too.
Whenever shes mad at me, i think, what if she doesnt want me anymore?
What if she doesnt wanna be friends anymore?
What if she never speaks to me again?
What if i lose my sister?
My best friend?
My lesbian lover, (YEAH BITCHES I SAID IT AND WHAT.) all in one?
Ottokaeyo ><
Chingu yaaaa, i know you dont have internet, but im writing this anyway.
Maybe youll telepathically sense it and our friendship psychicness will make you realise just how much you mean to me.
Ahhhh :(
Were meant to be going to Surrey together on wednesday as well, ahhhhhhh.
Allow my life.
Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
♥
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