Its the last day of April already!
Time flies wayy to fast for my liking, if only i could rewind time!
Second time blogging with this new format and I'm still not used to it!
This is so silly, I'm getting well haps over nothing T_T
Recently, a lot of people that i care about have been hurt, and it kinda sucks.
Mostly because they're getting by boys.
Now, i know, that i have been hurt before, felt broken and betrayed, and just thrown away with no explanation at all.
And i know, that having no explanation, makes the matter 938299229 times worse.
I can openly admit that i hated being hurt.
I may have a very good relationship right now, and i may have a boyfriend that loves me, but its not always been that way.
My life hasn't always been close to perfect.
In fact, no life is ever perfect.
Well, you do get those yee sai johs, but they're just hum juu gum sor see chut sai, and that doesn't happen to most people T_T
But yeah, no life is perfect, i have been through my fair share of shit, and so have most normal people.
The boy that i am with now, has hurt me before, and I've hurt him, but that was in the past, and were inna really good place now.
Lots of people tell me I'm lucky, and i am. Im an only child, pretty much all my parents attention is focussed on me (now, i know that can be a bad thing, but for the most part, its good because i received all the love i could ever imagine.)
I have amazing friends, and as i grow up, I've realised that even though i have less friends than i used to, i am very, very close to my friends that i see daily now.
They're the ones that make me smile, the ones who talk to me every day.
Next year, i will be living with two of my best friends, how ACE is that?!
So yeah, i have amazing parents, amazing friends, and an amazing boyfriend.
Wait why am i talking about family?
LOOOL, i think its just cos i miss my daddy ><
ANYWAYS, I count myself really fortunate, and honestly, when i see my friends hurt over a boy, i do feel sad.
Not: ohh ahaaa, i feel sorry for you sad. But, i honestly feel the pain (to an extent) for you. Why i say to an extent? Because every normal girl has been through this.
Heartbreak.
When has a normal girl never felt her heart drop to the floor?
When has a normal girl never felt tears running down her face?
When has a normal girl never felt like dying from crying too much?
I for one, have felt my heart drop to the floor before.
I for one, have felt tears running down my face.
And i for one, have felt like i was gonna die from crying too much.
People who hardly know me, see me as a girl who constantly has a smile on her face, as a girl who's laughing like theres no tomorrow.
But if you got to know me, you'd see my insecurities, how much i cry, how hard things can get, and most importantly, how i see myself.
I feel in secure because i feel like I'm not pretty enough, i feel like I'm fat, i feel like I'm not smart enough, and i feel like I'm not good enough.
I cry at the smallest things, and one person who will tell you this is my boyfriend. I cry a lot and I'm trying to change that, because i am a really sensitive person. I cry in films, i cry at books, and i cry at songs.
Things can get hard for me, my daddy is reaching 72, and he isn't getting any younger. I worry about him, i worry about him getting older and not being able to handle work, i worry about him being alone at home because I'm at uni and my mums in HK. Things get tough because my mums in HK and she's ditched me for 9/12 months every year since i was 15.
And how i see myself?
I can assure you, that i am not full of confidence, and i am not brave, or the soldier that i try to be.
But I'm only one girl, and a normal girl at that.
So sue me for being normal.
Sue me for needing to cry, and sue me for breaking down when nothings going right.
I just read AB's blog post, and even if she doesn't consider me a best friend anymore, I'm still feeling her pain.
Not in the exact same way as she is, because no-one else can feel exactly the same way that you feel about your own situation, but if i was there, id give her a massive hug and tell her that everything was going to be alright.
That given time, everything gets better.
Its very true, that when you're in a situation yourself, you feel like its the end of the world, like nothing can get better, and that things can only get worse because you feel so horrible already.
But being hurt the many times that i have been, i have learnt that the saying is true.
Time heals everything.
It may be difficult to believe at this point, but after, you're going to look back on it, and tell yourself how stupid you were, for crying over that.
But right now, its the crying period, where you feel like you wanna cry till you die, and your heart just wants to explode.
It physically hurts, your heart physically hurts when you feel heartbreak.
And AB, if you ever come to read this one day, stay strong, cos one day, when you're old and wrinkly, you'll reread this post and say: she was right.
Because i am.
And if you ever need to talk, I'm only on the other end of the phone.
Its true, that you will be scarred from this experience, because you can never forget it, but it only makes you a stronger person than you were before.
As for CT, i wanna go over to hers and just make her stop crying.
Not only are boys pissing me off right now, friends are pissing me off too.
How dare she make her cry?! T_T
I will chop off her willy!
See, this is what i don't understand.
How can some people just have such a messed up, twisted understanding of things?!
LIKE, WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR HEAD?!
I seriously do NOT understand.
CT, don't cry, i hate hearing you cry.
Its not funny, like how you find me crying funny. It truly sucks.
Screw all those people who are horrible to you, and screw all those who upset you or make you cry.
This is gonna sound hypocritical cos I'm the same as you, but stop being so nice.
Don't apologise for things you haven't done wrong, and don't try when others aren't trying.
It only makes you feel worse.
I know that i can't say anything to cheer you up, because you feel so shit right now, but just don't cry.
They're so not worth it.
You are such a good friend, and i am so, so glad i met you!
Cant believe I've known you since 2009!
And for the past academic year, you have been one of THE best friends a girl could ask for.
We think the same, and we get each other, and i sound like a lesbian right now o.O
But yeah, don't let them get you down, you're stronger than that.
You're my catcat!
You're an amazing friend and they'd be lucky to have you, siew lahhhh :)
Right, i should eat dinner, do some work and sleep earlier :/
But then I'm too lazy to do anything..
Oh god, the life of a student, i have done jack all work wise since i last blogged.. *sighs*
Over and OUTTTTTTTTT
♥
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