241112 ~ ♥

Today i was on the train to London to see my London babies.

A memory of us decided to bombard my brain..

It was of when me and you used to mouth 'colourful' to each other cos it looks like 'i love you.'

Id say 'i love you too' and youd say 'i actually said colourful!'

Id pretend to be sad and pull a massive sad face..

Then youd laugh and giggle and pull me close and give me cuddles and kisses.

Why did you leave me with such amazing memories if theyd just end up being memories? ><"

Theyre such a painful part of my life because they are now, only memories.

It just makes it harder for me to get over you..

Ive done too much for you, and i have to leave you alone.

I know this.

I guess youre not truly mine then.

If we were still together, then youd be with me, next to me, cuddling me whilst we fell asleep together.

Everything in my life would be so much easier in my life.

Id be able to fall asleep, all comfy in your arms, instead of not being able to fall asleep every single night.

I really dont know what i did wrong.

Can you tell me?

Will you at least speak to me to tell me that much?

EURGH I DUNNO WHAT I DID WRONG, WHATS YOUR PROBLEM?! T_T

You are sooo frustrating!

Every day, im still surprised at how stupid i was.

I just cared a hella lot, and well.. you just didnt..

You douchebag T_T

So did you know that youd end our relationship?

You said that youd never let me go ever again..

You lied.

You built up an ending to our relationship from the very beginning..

Pretty sure this was us..

Exactly like this.

You liar.

You massive, massive liar.

Is this what im feeling right now?

But not for you..

For someone else..

I DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL ><"

I DONT UNDERSTAND MY OWN FEELINGS!

WHAT DO I DOOOOOO?!

But im pretty sure i dont like that person, cos i still like you..

Eurgh, what is life?! T_T

Both those boys are the same person to me.

Theyre both you, youre a douche *hmph*

You really fucked me up, you know that?!

These memories make my life hell.

I remember these things and it just feels like im reliving it all over again.

I hate remembering these things, why have you done this to me?

But you broke all your promises didnt you?

So everything that i expected was a lie.

You didnt carry any of your promises through, eurgh.

This is so true!

I hate this aspect of myself.

Someone can be the slightest bit nice to me, and il just start to love them or something T_T

ITS SO ANNOYING, because i get so caught up in it all and i just misunderstand both theirs, and my own feelings..

I wanna do this so i can fall asleep ><"

Anything to be able to fall asleep now..

Youre probably asleep already, youve always slept early.

You probably didnt give a care in the world before you fell asleep, didnt think about me at all..

Whatever.

Thats what i thought about us.

But thats where i thought wrong.

Stupid me.

Stupid, stupid me.

You did trick me didnt you?

I really thought you cared about me.

I honestly thought you felt some care for me.

Im a fudging idiot.

Thanks a lot you bum, now im always too scared to trust anyone, eurgh.

You stupid boy, I HATE YOU.

YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!

I miss you.

But if you came back to me, im not sure how id react.

But i do miss your presence, your place in my life, in my mind, in my heart.

Baby, I miss you.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTT

♥