160213 ~ ♥

Na chincha pabojii.

What is life?

What is with the people in my life?

Wait, no, let me correct that, what is with the boys in my life? T_T

I asked you to be my late valentine as a joke the other day, and you went 'wait does that mean you want me to be your valentine or boyfriend? no mind games, yes or no?'

And you were proper serious..

Why do i play these jokes?

Well, i wouldnt call them jokes, but why do i say these things as a joke? T_T

Well, for starters, i guess i dont realise how serious you are about this stuff..

But you should know that its a joke, we always banter with each other..

I dont get it.. ><"

And then youre all 'i dont wanna be your rebound cos the night before i was crying over TC..

Then the conversation we had made it sound like you liked me..

And then i said that and you said 'i could say the same for you.'

And you were all 'we havent hung out for ages, we should meet up in london and see how things are' etc etc..

And then today..

Youve suddenly changed and gotten really scary ><"

I didnt even say i liked you?

I was just curious to see what your answer would be..

And then you spout some massive debate out and like say how were good as friends.

Then when i said good answer, you start apologising to me and saying sorry that you dont feel that way?

I never said i liked you, so why are you apologising? o.O

And then when i tell you i dont like you, youre like 'well obviously you do otherwise you wouldnt ask..'

Cant i just be curious?

And then youre all 'now youre tryna retract it to save face, that just shows that you dont like me all that much and just as well i didnt say yes'

Err.. i didnt say i liked you..

Then you say how we've been together before and i ended it so it wouldnt happen again.

LOL OMG, why are you making such a big deal out of one tiny measly question?

And you keep telling me that i still like TC?

Just because im not over him, doesnt mean i still like him, its like youre intent on convincing me that i still like him ><"

I dont understand.. You get so serious, and it scares me cos i never know where i stand with you..

Its like youre out to get me and wait for me to make my next 'mistake' when i talk to you..

You knoww, if you werent like this, id probably start to like you..

You can be sweet at times, and i feel safe and comfortable with you, but i cant like someone based on just feeling safe and comfy..

And it just seems like you cant trust me, not even as a friend..

Why is that?

Is it because i broke up with you before?

Is that why you keep bringing it back up?

Im sorry i broke up with you okai?

Well, im not sorry for doing it, but im sorry for the way i did it.

Im sorry that i did it for the wrong reasons..

Well, at least what you thought were the reasons.

If i ever told you the other reason, im pretty sure you'd get upset, and i dont want you to be hurt.

The fact that my feelings for you (whatever they may be) are only present when we talk proves that i don't actually like you, i think id call them, temporary feelings..

Seeing as i dont get them when im in a relationship either..

I dont really know how you explain those types of feelings o.O

Hmmmm.. LOL

Not like its a bad thing, its just that when we dont talk, which is a lot of the time, i dont have those feelings for you, in fact, i dont really remember you until you talk to me..

Or i see your name or someone brings you up..

Its not like i randomly think of you, we have been broken up for 5 years after all..

But its like youd never trust me if we ever did get back together, its like you wont believe that id ever like you again..

But then today yo were all 'you obviously do have feelings for me' when i dont..

So its like, are you up yourself but would never accept the fact that i like you again incase i hurt you again?

Is that what it is?

Eurgh i dont understand you..

I dont understand boys in general.

Fuck this, i hate boys, imma be a nun.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥