I think im starting to have a crush (hahha sucha kiddy word) on another guy?
But then im upset about TC thinking a nearly porn star celebrity is hot?
I dont really know what to think, and i dont even know what im thinking..
Why am i mad at TC when its the stupidest thing ever?
I never used to care when we were together..
Maybe its the fact that shes like.. practically a porn star o.O
Shes the type of model who wears like only underwear and poses all sexually and wears loadssss of makeup..
But like, i shouldnt care, cos lets be fair, im into hot models who wear nothing? LOL
So why do i even care?
I dont know..
Maybe its cos he's attracted to someone else, even if its just a model, so i feel like hes slipping even further away from me..
And after seeing the type that he likes now.. Its obvious that im nothing like that, so its just like.. Why were we together?
Meh..
And this new guy.. Isnt a new guy..
He is also an ex.. What do i dooo fml.
Why do i always go backwards, cant i move forwards in my freaking life?
Im actually upset that i cant go visit him cos he's got so many exams..
Weve been talking about it for the past few days, and the first day hes like book it tomorrow when i get my schedule, then hes like, book it tomorrow cos i gotta ask my friend whether its okai, and then today hes like, im sooo stressed.
So i was like, okai, i just wont come, hoping hed say, noo come anyways, but nope, hahaha, he agreed.
So i guess i asked for it!
But its fine, cos i want him to do well :)
And i guess i saved like £300! :)
Its weird though, ive always thought of him as a friend since we broke up like 4/5 years ago..
But then its like, hell never be just a friend cos i did love him at the time, even though i ended up breaking up with him.
And then today i had a heart to heart with my dad in the car, and we were talking about him, cos my dad knows him, and its just like.. I dunno, i think i realised that hes not just a friend to me..
Like, hell always be more than just a normal friend, even if were nothing more than friends.
Does that make sense to you bloggy?
But then thats what i mean, were those feelings just clouded by my even stronger feelings for TC at the time that we were together?
Is that how love works?
But then, i wouldnt consider XF my first love.. Cos thats what id call TC..
FUCKKK im so mind fucked.
I dont even know what im thinking..
I dont even know whats going on in my mind and im just really damn confused as to how im feeling atm *sigh*
Its like one half of me is saying, let go of TC, youre starting and could continue to like someone else, but then its like the other half of me is like, dont let go, cos you know you still love him.
I know for sure that i wouldnt do anything with XF now anyways, simply cos im not over TC and it wouldnt be fair on me or XF..
AISHHHH.
Bloggy.. you should see the things XF says to me..
Like you dont say those things to friends..
He kept saying that were not just friends, and when i said we were, he got mad at me.
And hes all like, lets have sex, and im like i dont do that with friends, i only do that with someone i love.
And hes like, well, were gonna end up married anyways so..
And just like, the things he says bloggy, i dunno what to thinkkk :(
WHAT IS MY LIFEEEE?!
I dont wanna start crushing on him just cos were good friends and we know each other and im comfortable with him, does that make sense?
Like, dont get me wrong, i feel like i have a really strong connection with him, and i think that after all these years, wed work together and weve both grown up and relationships are different for this age than they were for like 14/15 year olds like we were at that time..
But..
Aish i dunno.
BLEHHHHHHHH ><"
Over and OUTTTTTTTTTT
♥
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