Got some maths hw to get to, so i gotta freaking blog fast.
Bloggings never fast though T_T
It was soo sunny todayy ^^
It was so good!
Like, warm, but then it got cold again ><" T_T
HAD LATE CNY DINNER WITH FAMILY THIS WEEKEND/LAST WEEKEND.
As in the 6th ^^
I bought valentines presents for my friends and a rice bowl and stickers ^^
But it meant that i didnt get to go to kpop and see my friends :(
I MISS MY Sma²rk~dw *cries*
God im so distracted by tumblr.
Im talking to mel, she makes everything right again ^^
Its weird how like, shes younger than me, yet she has the ability to make me smile again, maybe cos shes my mama, i love you melly ^^
Aishhh, i wanna see them, and just be able to let it all out.
Of course the friends at school are always there for me, my besties too, but its like, different you know?
Cos they dont go to my school, i can let it out whenever, theres only a limit as to how much i can cry at school, cos hell be there.
Thank you mel, winnie and austen, for being here.
For being here for me, even though you dunno whats going on fully.
I am so lucky to have yo uguys.
Thank you Carlos, for making me laugh when im down and for being here even when im like, unresponsive, lmaoo ><"
Or when im ranting PROPERRR, and youre still here for me, you dont know how much it means when you text me to check if im okai, cos its good to know that youre here, even if your hugs are unfeelable right now.
Gomawo.
ALLOW YOU AS FOR NOT HAVING INTERNET, HOW THE HELL AM I MEANT TO SKYPE YOU WOMAN?! T_T
SKEEEEN.
My hoodie smells like him.
Eurghhh, get away smelllll.
Why do you smell like him?
STOP SMELLING :(
He was all odd at school today
Early in the morning i gave my friends their early valentines day presents ^^
Theyre so freaking cute.
RARRR ^^
I love emmm, but theyre kinda crappy
But theyre cute, so allow me >:]
I give him his and hes unresponsive.
Okai, be like that then, i just dismissed it, i had business to get to.
Then comes our Tuesday free, i was doing english at the beginning, we were gonna go to town after i finished it.
BS wanted to go first, i told him to go, but he said no.
I finished english and the minute we get outta school, he starts to cheer up cos hes been all mehhh in school.
Im glad he cheered up, its good when he smiles, when hes all bleh it scares me.
I was playing with my bubbles and he was smiling at me, laughing at me, not like, a mean laugh, as in like, you know..
I started blowing bubbles at his face, it was pretty funny, nothing came out T_T
GAYYY.
He then like, grabbed me and blew at my face ahahaha, we started having some blowing war LMAO
And we were laughing, he seemed genuinely happy.
It was good seeing him happy, hes not usually like that anymore which really sucks.
In the park i was making shadows cos of the sun, it was so fun ^^
I was as tall as the tree hehehehe :)
And he was laughing with me, and it was cute.
At starbucks, he ordered a drink and he asked if i wanted any whipped cream from the top.
I said no, because i get scared to get too close anymore becuase im scared of being hurt.
He then like, fed it to me.
It felt like the past, like everything was the same, before he broke my heart.
It felt good, normal, it worked, we worked, we worked today.
Whats he done?
Messing it up and shizzle, we work, everyone knows so.
He doesnt seem to realise.
Which sucks on another level.
We were on the skate ramp bit, and we were lying down, and he was tickling me and hugging me.
Then he goes to sit on the top bit, and he slides down and his legs are either side of me and he tickles me, and hugs me.
Eurghh, it felt good to be there with him, just there.
I cant hate him.
I wish i could, but i cant.
Its so hard.
Because its not just wishful thinking, but i think deep down he still might like me like 1%
It seems like he has some limit.
Like, he flirts his ass off with me, proper acts like we used to, then he reaches a limit, and he cant do it anymore.
Its like once that limits reached, he has to stop.
He has this look in his eye, where he just halts it.
Weve been texting about the whole duvet situation at Fou's sleepover.
He remembers it all, he wanted it all again.
Hes started using pooey again when he speaks, it hurts, but at the same time, it doesnt.
I dont know what to feel.
The second he reaches school, he just stops talking to me, completely ignores me.
He has some like manopausal stages and he takes me for granted.
Im letting him, what am i doing?
I wanna ask him what he wants from me, whether its just me or whether he feels this stuff to.
Why would he hurt me this way?
Whys he playing me?
Why..?
But like, i just dismissed it.
Everything that happened.
But like, was he just doing that cos noone else was there for him to be happy with?
Why would he do that?
What have i done to deserve it?
Eurgh.
Please let me back into your heart.
Please.
Im scared to talk to you about it incase it gets awkward again.
Cos lets face it, it does.
You just ignore me, not that you didnt today anyways.
Dyu know how much it hurt when you threw the present back at me?
Why would you even do that?
You just dont.
Sometimes, you make me so happy, when you text me and we have our banter, haha, it makes me laugh and its like, comforting to know that were still the same two people.
But were not are we?
Youve changed.
Maybe i have too, but youre different.
Yesterday when i told you i wouldnt speak to you by text, dyu know how hard it was for me not to pick up the phone and text you?
And when you spoke to me online, and said that it was stupid that we werent talking, it made me smile so much, cos i knew you were right, it was stupid that we werent talking and of course we argue all the time, but we dont actually argue, not even when everything happened.
I helped you concentrate on your physics, i was well proud :)
At least you got it done ^^
Remember to concentrate next time okai?
I wont be there every time to help you concentrate.
Aish, i wish i could be, but you wont let me, everythings on your terms.
Rarrr, i have maths to do.
LONGGG.
Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
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