160211 ♥ x

Some shittyyy headache todayyy.
Ickkkkkk ><"

Why am i so fucking selfish?
AB feels like she cant talk to me anymore because i have my own issues.
Why doesnt she know that just because i have my own issues, it doesnt mean that i cant listen to hers.
Shes so silly.
I will always be there for you.
No matter what.
You big poo.
Know that even if my issues are so much bigger than they are now, you can come to me and i will be there.
No matter what.
I want you to be okai, i wanna be able to rewind time.
Not just for myself, but for you too.
Back to before all that shit happened to you, so you can always be smiling now.
AS told me that it feels like i dont talk to you guys anymore.
Is that how it feels?
Is that what im doing?
Cos i didnt realise.
I never wanted my problems to get in the way of our friendship, but it seems like it has.
Well thats how it sounds.
Its unfair on you guys.
Im sorry.
Its all my fault.
Please dont blame TC or anything, he hasnt done anythng wrong.
Me being stuck in this hole is not your faults.
Is faults a word?
Hahaha :)
We needa talk.
Properly.
Meh.
Sorry.

AS is so mad at me for responding to him.
But i respond to him because...
I dunno how to say it..
He only texts me when he feels like it anyways.
Or talks to me when it suits him.
My heart hasnt raced like that around him for so long.
But yesterday when i was like, half asleep, he moved the hair outta my face.
Rarr... heartbeat.
2PM should like pop outta somewhere and sing to me.
LOL ^^
Mmm, i explained it, or at least tried to explain it to AS today.
But she didnt wanna listen and shes past caring and i dont really blame her tbh.
The past month has been nothing but crying over him.
Its not really something i can explain.
Its like, im lost.
I dont know who i am.
I dont really know how to describe it.
Its like he wants us but doesnt want us.
Is my heart just being toyed around with?
Baby i just want you back.
My posts on tumblr are so freaking depressing atm.


Farking hell.
It hurts knowing that you might like someone else.
It hurts looking at you.
And not cos youre ugly, LMAOO
Our banter lolol
It hurts because when i look at you, i dont just see you, i see all our memories.
And sometimes, when you look at me the way you do, i have the slightest hope pop up.
But then i dismiss it because like ive said countless times, i dont wanna hope for you.
You mean everything to me, but il just keep that to myself.
Noone else needs to know now.
Like you said, were in the past now.
Its been a month and i still cant get over you.
Aish, whys it so hard?
Most days i wake up, and i dont wanna see anyone.
Sometimes i make up scenarios that will never happen in my head, like, you might just turn up and tell me that you still love me.
But everyone knows that scenarios you make up in your mind hardly ever come true.
I dont wanna see anyone because i dont wanna cry in front of people anymore.
I cried whilst on the phone to AS today, i told her it was my hayfever.
Haha, oldest lie in the book.
But i dont want her to know that i cry over you anymore.
I dont want anyone to know because i dont wanna be selfish, i dont wanna be the way i am.
Thing is, i dont even wanna be me anymore.
Whys it so difficult for me?
Why cant i be one of those girls who just get over guys easily and are like, WOOO the next week?
I cry myself to sleep every night.
Even AS knows this, i can fall asleep in 5 seconds flat.
Now i lie in bed for hours and i cant fall asleep.
Every night before i fall asleep, it hurts.
Every morning i wake up, it hurts.
Youre always in the back of my mind, i wish you werent.
The back of my mind isnt even the back anymore..
Its so fucking prominent.
I know so many people who, have broken up, got back together, again and again.
I guess were just not those types of people.
Because i no longer mean that much to you anymore.

Ive become less responsive myself, but i light up whenever youre around.
I cant base myself around that.
But i have.
I dont blame you for it, at all, its my own choice.
But its also not something i control either.
I dont really know what im thinking half the time anymore.
Everythings become kinda...
A blur to me.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

♥