Cos youre not succeeding unless you tell me to my face that you want me to hate you.
You know that i just wanted to be friends, i didnt want anything more from you cos you ended it.
So why are you making some fat deal out of it?
Theres so much i wanna say, but i cant even remember it all.
Fudge.
Kai;
You know that im happy just being friends.
Even though it hurt, i was willing to just go with it, as long as you were happy then i was fine.
You said you wanted to be friends, fine.
So i proceeded to just be friends with you, but you didnt make it easy did you?
No, i can answer that for you, you fucking didnt.
You still fucking dont.
Yesterday, after everything happened, you didnt speak to me for the rest of the day.
Today, you walk into the common room, pretending i dont exist.
What the shit is that all about?
Honestly, i wanna know whats running through your mind.
I thought you were perfect, in every way possible.
But apparently i was wrong.
You hurt me, and you continue to hurt me.
If you think that by playing hot and cold with me is gonna make me hate you so i stop liking you, then you have another thing coming.
I agreed to just be friends, and i was willing to let myself get over you, but you just go and do that?
Its not neccessary, we can be friends without you tryna play it hot and cold, its just not needed.
If you know that id wanna be friends anyway then whats the point of all this?
Seriously.
Yeah i love it when it feels like were back to how we were before.
Its fucking amazing, and youre fucking amazing, but that doesnt let me get over you.
What do you want from me?!
At times, i honestly think that you still might like me.
But then i remind myself that you were the one who ended it, not me.
So why does it feel like im the one who has to respond to you whenever you feel like it?
You pick me up when you want and you drop me when you want, what the hell do you want?
Do you still like me or not?
Because the day you broke my heart, i was prepared to get over you, not fast, but i knew that it was something that i had to do.
But you arent letting me, why?
Do you get some weird pleasure out of making me pine over you?
Does it feel good to know that it hurts so much because you are you and ive never felt like this about someone before?
Does it make you feel better knowing that someone cant get over you?
Cos i really doubt youre that type of guy, but youre making me doubt my instincts.
AS says she knows youre not that type of guy either, so what are you doing?
AS agrees with me, if we wanted someone to get over us, we wouldnt flirt with them like that.
Wed just be friends, normal friends.
Act like how we used to and all that.
Sure, weve never been just friends, apart from the very beginning, weve always had banter between us.
Why cant we still banter without you having to piss on my parade the very next day cos it feels like youve said too much?
Do you feel like youve said too much?
Cos you havent.
If you remember all our memories and you bring them up, then you cant blame me for thinking things.
All our memories.
Meh.
AS thinks that were not just friends, but she cant figure out what we are, its good to know that someone else feels the same way.
Cos were not just friends are we?
But i dunno what we are.
Maybe you needa tell me.
KL kinda just disregarded stuff i said and she was kinda on your side.
If it makes you happier, her being on your side, then i can deal with that, but shes saying how you might feel that you can flirt with me and i cant flirt with you.
Whats that all about?
Cos thats gonna make me hate you... (sarcasm)
Its not is it?
You know its not.
And thats not fair either.
Especially when you know what weve been through.
But then its like you cant control your character around me and you act like how you used to, the real you, and then the next day youll just freaking ignore me.
Does that make you feel happy?
Or are you trying to upset me on purpose?
Cos trust me when i say, its not making me hate you, its making me hate me.
Usually i think KL's right in everything, because shes so smart and she just knows, you know?
Like, minho knows.
But i cant help but think, theres more to this than whats being told.
I just know.
Why is it so hard to just tell me whats on your mind?
You close up so much.
Please just talk to me, properly, like the mature *COUGH* people that we are.
KL says that maybe youre scared that what i gave you for valentines was cos i still like you.
OH COME ON, dont flatter yourself please :)
I gave everyone one.
And the one i gave you, didnt mean anything more, its cos everyone thats close to me got one.
Aishhhh, please dont think that you were special just cos i gave you one too, its not like that anymore, i gave up on the fact that youd want me back already, ick.
So theres no need to be scared, cos i am not gonna make you fall in love with me again, as much as i wish i could, im not gonna try because i just want you to smile.
And why are you scared anyways?
We loved each other, end of.
You loved me, i loved you, and you made me smile the most, you made me realise that i had feelings that i didnt even know existed.
Happiness wasnt a word id use to describe what you gave me, because a whole new level of happiness was reached whenever you were around.
What did i do wrong?
You said you loved me too, yet you let me go.
How does that even work?
You were someone i was proud to talk to my parents about, and proud to say, yeah, i like him, and even when AS was always like, gahhh ive been scarred (harharhar) id say, yeah well... we werent doing anything :)
But deep down, whenever we held hands or like, hugged, id secretly be the happiest girl in the world.
I mean, are you gonna ignore me in stats tomorrow again?
Or are you gonna decide to talk to me again?
Cos i just wanna know.
Please either stop this, or make me feel like i used to. Properly. No games, no nothing, just us.
Please just dont flirt with me loads and let me think that you might still like me the slightest bit even if i dont have hope and its just a gut feeling.
Cos it hurts, because whenever you make me feel that way, im always preparing myself to be ignored for the next few days.
Cos thats just how you are these days.
You flirt bareeee, then just, ignore bareee.
And its mean.
You dont even respond to AS anymore, like in the way she whacks you, and all that jazz.
Before, youd whack back, and be responsive.
And thats how we knew that you were you.
In a way.
Youre so unresponsive.
Yet when were alone, you couldnt be more responsive if you tried.
Is that cos you dont wanna be a loner?
Cos even if you didnt wanna be a loner, you dont have to feed me shizzle.
And if you didnt like someone, surely you wouldnt go and feed them food.
Especially not when youve had a past.
Otherwise thats just harsh.
Which i dont believe you are.
Is it possible that i was the only one to feel that we still have something?
Tell me if it is.
I know imma flirt, and i admit it, but even i dont do that, and apparently my flirting is like, way up there.
I really wish youd open up.
You told me that you chose to move on.
And that it was up to me now whether i got over you or not.
But you say that, yet i still feel something there, and not just on my part.
Am i wrong?
Because its like youve said youve moved on but are those your true feelings?
Cos i know, theres more than meets the eye.
I know there is.
Its a shame youd never read this stuff.
Cos maybe once youd read it, you might start to talk to me about it and not just clamp up.
I wanna know whats running through your head.
Even as friends i have a right to know right?
Cos you cant deny that we were once, the closest.
Even if that was in the past, cos you made it.
Might sleep early tonight, i hate thinking about this shit.
It just makes me hate myself for not being good enough.
And for not being able to not overthink.
Cos i admit i overthink, but this time, its not even my fault that im overthinking.
Just please talk to me about what you want.
And speak true from your heart.
Please.
But seeing as youll never see this, i dont see it happening and il just have to do some guesswork.
Eurgh, please.
Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
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