Mmm, i havent blogged in quite a while, ive been on tumblr quite a lot instead, im sorry bloggie!
But today, i feel like blogging :)
Whilst im waiting for dinner and watching friends.
I wanna talk about a boy who is really important to me.
Id like to say that hes always been here for me, but he himself and those who know me will know that at one point, he was the reason that i cried every day for like, a month.
But thats in the past now.
He asked me 3 weeks ago what i would do if i was in his position.
And i was honest, i told him that i would give us another try.
Not cos i wanted him to say that, because i didnt
I think a part of me was thinking, "god, i want him to like me again" but the majority of me thought that he would never like me that way again.
He had told me so many times that he didnt like me that way, that i had sorta given up, and i just wanted him to be happy.
He told me he didnt want me to care, and that i shouldnt be unhappy just cos he was.
It really hurt that he didnt realise what i was going through, cos i felt like i was on my own, i knew i wasnt on my own, i had my friends, my best friends, who were there for me every day.
I dunno, its weird, i cant really write it down.
There are still answers that havent been answered, but i think i gotta just let that go and keep it inside me.
So then, he wanted to give us another go, i didnt want him to do it just because i said thats what i would do, but he said he wanted it.
I dont think he understands how happy he makes me feel, how happy he made me feel when he said he liked me again.
Its hard saying these words cos like, i saw it to him, but i get scared.
Thats the secret i wrote when AB asked us to write our secrets.
I get scared that whenever something good happens, something crap is gonna come along and mess it up.
Thats what my secret was.
And its true, i do get scared.
Not just with him though, with everything.
And i know nothing ever goes your way, but, he means so much to me.
I dont know if ive said all this before, i probably have, but its just on my mind and i wanna write it down, i dunno why :)
I get scared that we'll grow apart again, cos thats what happened last time.
He says that i should put everything in the past behind us and just look at the present, but its hard sometimes you know?
When you like someone so much, its true that theres a greater height to fall from.
Its difficult cos i worry about what will happen if suddenly, he feels what he felt before, where he just stops liking me, and then what would i do?
Itd be even harder.
My friends tell me to be careful, and i know i have to be, but i cant help but trust him, because i honestly think hes a good person, someone who i believe in.
I hope he wont hurt me, i trust him.
He promised me the other day that hed never hurt me again, but i didnt know whether he could keep it.
So i told him not to promise me.
I cant have him break another promise, cos he promised forever before, and that obviously didnt work out in the short term..
Its probably me being paranoid, because of whats happened before, and im probably just being stupid.
Cos he tells me he likes me a lot, and i know he misses me all the time, but thats the thing, i like him more and i miss him more.
Its true, you cant measure feelings and how much you like someone, but i get scared.
I needa stop being scared, i was never scared before :)
I trust him, thats all there is to it, so i guess i dont have to be scared :)
I think its just cos i know how it feels, because i know how it feels to lose him
He doesnt know how it feels to lose me, because he was always the one calling the shots, the one who chose everything, the one who made all the decisions.
He never lost me, i still liked him after he broke my heart, but he didnt know what he wanted, even after we did something that felt so right.
He didnt know whether he liked me again.
That really hurt.
He means so much to me, and is so important to me.
And i honestly do believe that we are the perfect couple and that we are good for each other.
To me, he is perfect
Im not even joking.
To others, he may not be gorgeous and amazing and kind, but to me, i think calling him perfect, is underestimating it.
I dont want to rely on someone to have happiness, but its what he gives me.
He makes me so so happy, and when im not with him, i properly miss him.
Its little things like, he says were better this time, that were stronger and that were happier, but is that cos of the physical stuff?
Im not doubting him, and what he says, im really not, i promise.
But like, i hope with all my heart that its what he honestly feels :)
Because everything i say to him, is what i truly feel.
Like i said though, i trust him.
Things like him saying hell buy us a house, even though i know he doesnt mean it cos its so far off in the future
Well, i dont know whether he actually means it or whether hes just saying it to make me happy.
And if he is just saying it to make me happy, then what if he doesnt actually mean it?
What if he doesnt want something serious?
I dunno if you get what i mean...?
When he says he thinks im perfect, i know im not perfect, but like, if i really am perfect to him, then it makes me so happy when he says it, because ive never been perfect to anyone, or myself.
And to be perfect to someone who is perfect to me would be... well pretty damned perfect no?
Hehe :)
Things he does, the smallest things.
Like when we were on the green and he pretended to be looking at something, but he just wanted to wait for people to pass by so he could kiss me.
Hes sucha cutie.
And when he hugs me, wraps his arms round me and my waist especially, its like ive never been happier.
And when he stares into my eyes just before hes about to kiss me, then when he finally does kiss me, and how we just melt into each other and how we feel together.
When we hold hands, and we just fit, our hands slide into each other and they just fit perfectly.
And when he touches me, the way he makes me feel, is indescribable.
When he like, strokes the back of my leg, and like, my face, and the way he holds me, is amazing.
I dont want him to say and do things that he doesnt mean, because last time that happened, well yeah...
I know he knows that he hurt me.
And that hes sorry, so im trying my hardest to not think about the past, i really am :)
I just wish that things could last forever.
Thats all.
Because for him, to be mine, for as long as possible, is what i wish for every time.
I know that wishes can come true, cos i wished that wed get another chance.
And i got another chance.
Hes a boy, boys dont wish that stuff do they?
I dunno :)
Whenever im with him, i dont have to pretend to be happy, i am truly happy, and i act like nobody but myself.
Its odd knowing that someone whos so amazing would like me.
But i know that he does, so heh :)
I just want him to be happy :)
Mmm, long-ish blog tonight, rawrs, its good to talk about stuff bloggie, :)
Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
But today, i feel like blogging :)
Whilst im waiting for dinner and watching friends.
I wanna talk about a boy who is really important to me.
Id like to say that hes always been here for me, but he himself and those who know me will know that at one point, he was the reason that i cried every day for like, a month.
But thats in the past now.
He asked me 3 weeks ago what i would do if i was in his position.
And i was honest, i told him that i would give us another try.
Not cos i wanted him to say that, because i didnt
I think a part of me was thinking, "god, i want him to like me again" but the majority of me thought that he would never like me that way again.
He had told me so many times that he didnt like me that way, that i had sorta given up, and i just wanted him to be happy.
He told me he didnt want me to care, and that i shouldnt be unhappy just cos he was.
It really hurt that he didnt realise what i was going through, cos i felt like i was on my own, i knew i wasnt on my own, i had my friends, my best friends, who were there for me every day.
I dunno, its weird, i cant really write it down.
There are still answers that havent been answered, but i think i gotta just let that go and keep it inside me.
So then, he wanted to give us another go, i didnt want him to do it just because i said thats what i would do, but he said he wanted it.
I dont think he understands how happy he makes me feel, how happy he made me feel when he said he liked me again.
Its hard saying these words cos like, i saw it to him, but i get scared.
Thats the secret i wrote when AB asked us to write our secrets.
I get scared that whenever something good happens, something crap is gonna come along and mess it up.
Thats what my secret was.
And its true, i do get scared.
Not just with him though, with everything.
And i know nothing ever goes your way, but, he means so much to me.
I dont know if ive said all this before, i probably have, but its just on my mind and i wanna write it down, i dunno why :)
I get scared that we'll grow apart again, cos thats what happened last time.
He says that i should put everything in the past behind us and just look at the present, but its hard sometimes you know?
When you like someone so much, its true that theres a greater height to fall from.
Its difficult cos i worry about what will happen if suddenly, he feels what he felt before, where he just stops liking me, and then what would i do?
Itd be even harder.
My friends tell me to be careful, and i know i have to be, but i cant help but trust him, because i honestly think hes a good person, someone who i believe in.
I hope he wont hurt me, i trust him.
He promised me the other day that hed never hurt me again, but i didnt know whether he could keep it.
So i told him not to promise me.
I cant have him break another promise, cos he promised forever before, and that obviously didnt work out in the short term..
Its probably me being paranoid, because of whats happened before, and im probably just being stupid.
Cos he tells me he likes me a lot, and i know he misses me all the time, but thats the thing, i like him more and i miss him more.
Its true, you cant measure feelings and how much you like someone, but i get scared.
I needa stop being scared, i was never scared before :)
I trust him, thats all there is to it, so i guess i dont have to be scared :)
I think its just cos i know how it feels, because i know how it feels to lose him
He doesnt know how it feels to lose me, because he was always the one calling the shots, the one who chose everything, the one who made all the decisions.
He never lost me, i still liked him after he broke my heart, but he didnt know what he wanted, even after we did something that felt so right.
He didnt know whether he liked me again.
That really hurt.
He means so much to me, and is so important to me.
And i honestly do believe that we are the perfect couple and that we are good for each other.
To me, he is perfect
Im not even joking.
To others, he may not be gorgeous and amazing and kind, but to me, i think calling him perfect, is underestimating it.
I dont want to rely on someone to have happiness, but its what he gives me.
He makes me so so happy, and when im not with him, i properly miss him.
Its little things like, he says were better this time, that were stronger and that were happier, but is that cos of the physical stuff?
Im not doubting him, and what he says, im really not, i promise.
But like, i hope with all my heart that its what he honestly feels :)
Because everything i say to him, is what i truly feel.
Like i said though, i trust him.
Things like him saying hell buy us a house, even though i know he doesnt mean it cos its so far off in the future
Well, i dont know whether he actually means it or whether hes just saying it to make me happy.
And if he is just saying it to make me happy, then what if he doesnt actually mean it?
What if he doesnt want something serious?
I dunno if you get what i mean...?
When he says he thinks im perfect, i know im not perfect, but like, if i really am perfect to him, then it makes me so happy when he says it, because ive never been perfect to anyone, or myself.
And to be perfect to someone who is perfect to me would be... well pretty damned perfect no?
Hehe :)
Things he does, the smallest things.
Like when we were on the green and he pretended to be looking at something, but he just wanted to wait for people to pass by so he could kiss me.
Hes sucha cutie.
And when he hugs me, wraps his arms round me and my waist especially, its like ive never been happier.
And when he stares into my eyes just before hes about to kiss me, then when he finally does kiss me, and how we just melt into each other and how we feel together.
When we hold hands, and we just fit, our hands slide into each other and they just fit perfectly.
And when he touches me, the way he makes me feel, is indescribable.
When he like, strokes the back of my leg, and like, my face, and the way he holds me, is amazing.
I dont want him to say and do things that he doesnt mean, because last time that happened, well yeah...
I know he knows that he hurt me.
And that hes sorry, so im trying my hardest to not think about the past, i really am :)
I just wish that things could last forever.
Thats all.
Because for him, to be mine, for as long as possible, is what i wish for every time.
I know that wishes can come true, cos i wished that wed get another chance.
And i got another chance.
Hes a boy, boys dont wish that stuff do they?
I dunno :)
Whenever im with him, i dont have to pretend to be happy, i am truly happy, and i act like nobody but myself.
Its odd knowing that someone whos so amazing would like me.
But i know that he does, so heh :)
I just want him to be happy :)
Mmm, long-ish blog tonight, rawrs, its good to talk about stuff bloggie, :)
Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
The Heart Wont Post, SO POOOO.