201212 ~ ♥

18 minutes until my birthday.
For some reason, i hope that you won't wish me a happy birthday.
Its not like i expect you to wish me a happy birthday anyway, its just that if you dont, then itll just give me a reason to hate you.
But then on the other hand, i really wish that youll wish me happy birthday.. What do i even want?
Either way, i want to hate you.
WASSUP DAPHNE CHEUNG?!
EURGH, okai, i needa stop this.
IM TURNING 20, i needa just move on with my life.
Seriously.
Well, the worlds supposed to end anyways, so whatever, i guess God will do that for me! ^^

Over and OUTTTTTTTTT

♥

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141212 ~ ♥

When I close my eyes I think of you

And the times we've had been through 

Even though we're far apart right now

I remember back when you were here with me

How you've made my world complete

But now I'm left alone

We talked about love and hope

Wishing we could start a life our own

I wish that I could live without you

[Chorus]

Why did you tear my heart apart

You said you'd love me from the start

All those painful things you've put me through

But I'm still loving you

I've tried to give my best to you

I don't deserve the things you do

Everything has gone to memories

I just wish I knew the truth behind the lies

[Repeat Chorus]

'I'm Still Loving You'  - Shiga Lin

Sucha cute songg ^^

And the lyrics remind me of TC way more than they should, but its just sucha nice songg ^^

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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121212 ~ ♥

Check out the cool date bloggy!

Tumblr is downnn, i guess the world really is ending ><"

It hasnt worked for hoursss fml!

But im keeping myself busy watching Gossip Girl :D

I came home for Christmas today, and i am so, so nervous about seeing TC..

I dont know how im gonna react, or how hes gonna react..

I dont know whether i want to see him to be honest..

But i know i have to in order to be able to start to get over him.

I was saying to CT today that i was worried he has a new girlfriend, and what if he brings her to our home town?

I think id die if he had a new girlfriend, let alone meet her..

But i know that i cant stop him having a new girlfriend, its just that it would break my heart even more, thats all.
My world would crash and burn *sigh*

I hope im not that easy to get over and just unlove.. ><"
I bet if i gotta new boyfriend, he wouldnt give two craps T_T

But if two people are meant to be, then theyll be, right?

I was just thinking about stuff, and this time last year, TC was telling me that hed definitely come to my birthday party last year, and that no matter what, he wouldnt let me down.

And he was right, he didnt let me down, in fact, this time last year was when our relationship was at its peak.

This year, i doubt hell even wish me a happy birthday.

And i think that thats when il be really upset, because i expected a happy birthday from him every year.

And he asked me whether hed get a new years kiss, and i told him of course.

And sure enough, at midnight of the 1st of January 2012, he wrapped his arms around me, and whilst everyone else was shouting and screaming and singing and hugging cos it was a new year, he kissed me and told me he loved me.

A while later, whilst were all still with our friends, what do i get? A text telling me hed loved me for 365 days and that he wanted to be with me always and forever.

Well, the text was much longer than that, but my brains learnt to block out the details of texts from him over the past 6 months.

This coming 1st of January 2013?

Il be lucky if i get a smile to be honest..

I just hope that by then, il be over him so that i wont even care if i dont get a smile.

Not sure how that ones gonna turn out..

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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051212 ~ ♥

这么快又一年啦..
年年个一月我都觉得: '死啦, 又要等这么久 先到我下个生日!' 但是, 其实时间过得好快.
我有十六日我就二十岁啦.
我都觉得我自己其实未长大.
我希忘我今年可以大个小小和坚强小小.
我希忘唔会令我自己再失忘啦, 也唔会再给他伤害.

张翠娃, 记得最重要是忘记他这么对你..
如果可以忘记他就当然最好了 :)

加由!

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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041212 ~ ♥

Cancer: You Think of that Person as Perfect - You project your idea of the perfect one onto them and you overlook their weaknesses or flaws.

Is that how you felt about me..?
I know its stupid of me to ask this really.. But i really do wonder.
You used to tell me i was perfect, but i really doubt you meant it now.

Lets be honest, im not am i?

And it shows, cos youve gone and broken my heart and left.

I was right.

I used to think that we both slept really late, because wed be texting all day long and then wed always text each other good night around 1am..

But now, i sleep at abnormal times, like 4am or something stupid, and my days feel so long T_T

And when these days feel long, i miss you so much more because it feels like i haven't spoken to you in so long.

But if you think about it, 6 months really isnt that long a period of time..

I miss you so much, i really dont know what im supposed to do..
Today i was speaking to XF and hes been so nice to me lately, and even when i say things that i used to say to him, however small, and however irrelevant to our relationship, i feel like the worst person in the world.
When i really shouldnt because were no longer together and the things that we used to say to each other are no longer significant.
But after i say those things, i physically want to take them back, or like, untype them or something, because i feel horrible, i feel upset at myself for typing those things because i feel like they were 'our' things that we said to each other.
Its ruined everything because i should be able to say things to people normally, and yet the smallest of things seems to matter to me and remind me of you.
What have you done to my mind?
Just uncast this stupid spell on me already!

Im stuck, and i wish i wasnt.

Somebody help me.

Help me get out of this horrible place.

Please.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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241112 ~ ♥

Today i was on the train to London to see my London babies.

A memory of us decided to bombard my brain..

It was of when me and you used to mouth 'colourful' to each other cos it looks like 'i love you.'

Id say 'i love you too' and youd say 'i actually said colourful!'

Id pretend to be sad and pull a massive sad face..

Then youd laugh and giggle and pull me close and give me cuddles and kisses.

Why did you leave me with such amazing memories if theyd just end up being memories? ><"

Theyre such a painful part of my life because they are now, only memories.

It just makes it harder for me to get over you..

Ive done too much for you, and i have to leave you alone.

I know this.

I guess youre not truly mine then.

If we were still together, then youd be with me, next to me, cuddling me whilst we fell asleep together.

Everything in my life would be so much easier in my life.

Id be able to fall asleep, all comfy in your arms, instead of not being able to fall asleep every single night.

I really dont know what i did wrong.

Can you tell me?

Will you at least speak to me to tell me that much?

EURGH I DUNNO WHAT I DID WRONG, WHATS YOUR PROBLEM?! T_T

You are sooo frustrating!

Every day, im still surprised at how stupid i was.

I just cared a hella lot, and well.. you just didnt..

You douchebag T_T

So did you know that youd end our relationship?

You said that youd never let me go ever again..

You lied.

You built up an ending to our relationship from the very beginning..

Pretty sure this was us..

Exactly like this.

You liar.

You massive, massive liar.

Is this what im feeling right now?

But not for you..

For someone else..

I DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL ><"

I DONT UNDERSTAND MY OWN FEELINGS!

WHAT DO I DOOOOOO?!

But im pretty sure i dont like that person, cos i still like you..

Eurgh, what is life?! T_T

Both those boys are the same person to me.

Theyre both you, youre a douche *hmph*

You really fucked me up, you know that?!

These memories make my life hell.

I remember these things and it just feels like im reliving it all over again.

I hate remembering these things, why have you done this to me?

But you broke all your promises didnt you?

So everything that i expected was a lie.

You didnt carry any of your promises through, eurgh.

This is so true!

I hate this aspect of myself.

Someone can be the slightest bit nice to me, and il just start to love them or something T_T

ITS SO ANNOYING, because i get so caught up in it all and i just misunderstand both theirs, and my own feelings..

I wanna do this so i can fall asleep ><"

Anything to be able to fall asleep now..

Youre probably asleep already, youve always slept early.

You probably didnt give a care in the world before you fell asleep, didnt think about me at all..

Whatever.

Thats what i thought about us.

But thats where i thought wrong.

Stupid me.

Stupid, stupid me.

You did trick me didnt you?

I really thought you cared about me.

I honestly thought you felt some care for me.

Im a fudging idiot.

Thanks a lot you bum, now im always too scared to trust anyone, eurgh.

You stupid boy, I HATE YOU.

YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!

I miss you.

But if you came back to me, im not sure how id react.

But i do miss your presence, your place in my life, in my mind, in my heart.

Baby, I miss you.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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221112 ~ ♥

OMG!

I didnt even realise that today was supposed to be, and would have been 26th month together!

YESSS!

AND ITS NEARLY OVER!

I am legit SOO proud of myself! ^^

Usually i realise that its the 22nd the minute it reaches midnight!

AND NOW, its 13 minutes to midnight and i didnt even remember till i put the date in!

AHHHHH ^^

Does that mean that im slowly starting to get over you?

Ahhhh, the momeny of proudness.

But it doesnt mean i dont miss you..

Aishhhh now im confused with my own feelings ><"

Or is it because ive been talking to XF recently so ive been just not thinking about it as much?

I DUNNOOO ><"

ANYWAYSSS!

Time for another Tumblr haul!

If only i was willing to be a personal Youtuber, id totally make videos about these images!

I wish we didnt have these memories.

But tbh, i dont know if these memories are ours..

I think theyre more just mine..

Cos i really dont think you remember any of the things that i remember ><"

These memories haunt me, they literally haunt my brain.

I dont like to write them down because it just upsets me..

But theyre always, always on my mind.

Eurgh i wish i didnt have these memories, and that wed just be strangers again.

'Dont be sad that it ended, be glad that it happened' right? - Wrong.. These memories make me forgetting you even harder than ever.

Il find someone.

And il be happy, and even though you probably wont give a shit, it doesnt matter.

I just want to be happy, with or without you.

I let you hurt me, not once, not twice, but three times.

Tell me in what way, is that fair?

I wouldve fought for you no matter what, i wouldve stuck by you no matter what.

And you?

You left without thinking and without looking back.

I did say that.

I told you time and time again that theres no one id rather be with you and that you were perfect to me.

Maybe you didnt believe me.

Or you did believe me and took it for granted.

This is not my fault that we never talked again.

Its completely your fault.

And that just shows how much you care(d)..

We havent spoken for nearly 6 months now.

Great one.. dick.

Tbh, i wouldnt say im fighting for you.

But my brain does want you gone.

My heart misses you i guess, my heart wishes that we never ended sometimes.

But whats happened has happened, and im not gonna fight for you, in fact, i havent been.

I do in fact hope that you miss me.

But in what way, im not really sure.

I just know that i wish we were still each others.

But were not.

You lied to me.

Forever my ass.

You liar.

Obviously you never loved me then.

You ended up treating me like shit.

Thats not what love is.

Im not saying im an expert on love, because you are the first one i properly loved.

But i know that how you treated me, was definitely not love.

To be honest, even if you promised me, it probably doesnt mean anything.

All your promises are broken now, so it really doesnt matter.

Thing is, i dont mean anything to you..

Did i ever?

I dont know..

This is so right.

One year..

Thats all its taken.

My biggest what if.

I am no longer your one inna million.

Im not even like the rest.

You dont even speak to me as a friend.

I am someone you no longer know or think about.

= No more.

You are you, and i am me.

You are happy, and i am not.

What is lifeeeeee?! T_T

I thought that this little while was gonna be like a night..

When you said that youd text me back inna while, it slowly turned into never speaking to me again.

Nice, thanks, its good to know i mean(t) something to you.

This happens to me ALL THE DAMNED TIME.

I am ALWAYS getting flashbacks that i dont want to remember cos they just make me sad that theyre no longer things that are gonna happen.

They are purely memories now.

I miss you too much.

Thats pretty much all there is to it.

But day by day, its getting better, i dont miss you AS MUCH as i did..

I guess..?

Id like to think that we changed each other for the better.

I actually think we did change each other for the better.

But im pretty sure that youd disagree, otherwise you wouldnt have broken my heart.

But would i hesitate?

Im pretty sure i would, but i dont know..

Not that i actually think about this happening.. Cos i know that youre not the type to do all this fairytale stuff.

And i dont blame you for that.

I guess its just not who you are.

You messed with my life and therefore, you affected everything in it.

Thanks a lot.

NOT.

I do not thank you for doing this to me.

You suck.

You suck tiny yellow chinese penis.

Boo you.

I guess my life is pretty normal then.

Even on good days, i can remember you and feel a bit sad.

Then on bad days, when im feeling sad about you, there are always some good things, however big, or small, that make my day just that bit better.

So it cant be all bad!

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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181112 ~ ♥

I guess you had the last laugh.
I was your first girlfriend, and you were not my first boyfriend.
But i did think that youd be my last and that id be your first and last.
And yet, you were the one that broke my heart three times.
THREE TIMES!
I was so very wrong in thinking that we were gonna be forever and always.
You broke every single promise that you made me.
You did well, you managed to break the heart of your first girlfriend.
Not once, not twice, but three times.
So yeah, its pretty safe to say that you had the last laugh.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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151112 ~ ♥

I didnt even know this picture existed till last week..

I havent been that happy for a while now.

But at least now when i look at it, it makes me feel happy as well, instead of just sad..

'Remembering is hard, everything feels like ghosts.'

I guess that much is true.

I miss you.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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131112 ~ ♥

Hey bloggyyy, todays another day for picture blogging!

Its 05:26 atm.. I am so tired..

But really, theres no point in me sleeping now seeing as i gotta get up in 3 hours ><"

Que ce que le point?!

But yeahh, todays a slightly cuter post just because, i thought these GIFS would save as images.. BUT THEYVE COME OUT AS GIFS!

Ahhhh theyre sooooo cute!

Have a little piece of love bloggy, and make sure you take good care of it :)

Its coming outta a candle as well, as if loves floating into the air ^^

It is so damn cutiee!

I wish i could draw like this..

Well, i probably could but itd turn out ugly anyways T_T

You cant buy love, well, unless you wanna get with a gold-digger!

You cant buy dreams, because they just happen in your life and you dream whatever you dream.

You cant buy friends, unless of course, the same thing applies with love, you dont really care who your friends are.

You cant buy a wish come true, because thats not possible.. Unless its a wish thats to do with money o.O

You cant buy happiness, because its something you achieve, unless you go out shopping! Then you get like 5 minutes worth =p

And you definitely cant buy time, because time waits for nobody.

It comes and goes, and you dont get a choice.

You either live your life or watch it pass by.

I miss him like mad.

I cried myself to sleep last night.

I dont think ive done that since forever.

Everyone around me is so happy, and im just, not.

I hope i will be soon though :)

You were my star.

And i tried my hardest to be your sky.

I really did try.

But in the end, i wasnt a good enough sky, and i guess i cant change that.

If that how you feel, then thats how you feel.

You let me go.

And i bet the situation wasnt even that hard.

You just let me go.

As if it was the easiest decision for you to make in the whole wide world.

I really do feel like i know what hell can feel like for some people.

I feel so lonely sometimes, so tired of life, of everything.

Sometimes, i just want it to stop.

I thought youd love me no matter what.

Whether i did all those things above or not, i really thought youd love me forever.

Why can i be so wrong?

How can my judgements be so clouded?

I loved you endlessly, and i still do.

I wonder when it will stop.

I wonder when il stop loving you.

Im not saying that i dont wanna love you anymore, but i cant keep loving someone who doesnt love me back.

Well, obviously i cant help it, but ive at least go to try to stop loving you.

I gave you confidence you mother chucker! T_T

BOO YOU.

Wasting all my efforts, now im not even there to witness them, SCREW YOU.

This is true.

Thats all i wanted to say about this post :)

Over and OUTTTTTTTTT

♥

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111112 ~ ♥

“You can never completely know anyone, no matter how well you think you do. There will always be some truth about them you don’t ever get to know.”

—	Susane Colasanti

Which part of our relationship was the truth?

Which part of what you showed me of you was the truth?

How well did i know you?

I thought i knew you really, really, well, but i guess not.

Because theres truths about you that i dont know.

And i probably wont ever get to know.

Over and OUTTTTTTT

♥

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