220213 ~ ♥

Im at work atm so this fonts gonna show up really grinm, il edit when i get home! ^^
My hands are pretty much frozen cos theyre numb with cold ><"
Its like -828389 degrees, i would say at least i have 3G tonight but tbh im so cold i can hardly use my phone D=

OMG A HOT GUY JUST WALKED IN ^^
Mmm loving life right noww, his eyesss!
But i look shit for work so thats not gonna happen..

I miss TC a lot today :/
Not even cos its the 22nd, cos i didnt realise till i looked at the calendar, but i just genuinely miss him a lot today.. Whic totally sucks cos i wish i didnt miss him..
I wonder if he ever thinks about me :/
He probably doesnt but a girl can dream rightt? ><"
I wonder if he thinks about me on the 22nd..
Or ever for that matter..

Omg bloggy, scary customer just walked in and hes staring at me funny and scarily and i dont like itt ><"
Anyways.. As i was sayingg..
I was thinking.. I used to put a smile on TCs face every time he gotta text from me.. And now.. I wonder if he has a new girl that does that, like, is there a new girl that managed to make him smile?
Eurghhh.. I cant even bear him having a new girl texting him.. How the heck am i gonna handle him making another girl smile? Or have him hold her hand? Or hug her? Or touch her? Or kiss her?
I cantt.. Even just thinking about it makes me feel physically sick.
I mean if just a picture pf him and a girl can make me cry then wtf am i supposed to do?
Imma frikkin broken soul *sigh*
Wtf is life mannn?!
Why wont my heart fix itself?
Why wont my mind just stop caring and just not care whether he touches another girl?
But i cant.. It just makes me feel ill thinking about him with another girl.
Fuck sakes bloggy, i hate my life..

Rightt, back to work cos my hands are literally so cold i can hardly type ><"

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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160213 ~ ♥

Na chincha pabojii.

What is life?

What is with the people in my life?

Wait, no, let me correct that, what is with the boys in my life? T_T

I asked you to be my late valentine as a joke the other day, and you went 'wait does that mean you want me to be your valentine or boyfriend? no mind games, yes or no?'

And you were proper serious..

Why do i play these jokes?

Well, i wouldnt call them jokes, but why do i say these things as a joke? T_T

Well, for starters, i guess i dont realise how serious you are about this stuff..

But you should know that its a joke, we always banter with each other..

I dont get it.. ><"

And then youre all 'i dont wanna be your rebound cos the night before i was crying over TC..

Then the conversation we had made it sound like you liked me..

And then i said that and you said 'i could say the same for you.'

And you were all 'we havent hung out for ages, we should meet up in london and see how things are' etc etc..

And then today..

Youve suddenly changed and gotten really scary ><"

I didnt even say i liked you?

I was just curious to see what your answer would be..

And then you spout some massive debate out and like say how were good as friends.

Then when i said good answer, you start apologising to me and saying sorry that you dont feel that way?

I never said i liked you, so why are you apologising? o.O

And then when i tell you i dont like you, youre like 'well obviously you do otherwise you wouldnt ask..'

Cant i just be curious?

And then youre all 'now youre tryna retract it to save face, that just shows that you dont like me all that much and just as well i didnt say yes'

Err.. i didnt say i liked you..

Then you say how we've been together before and i ended it so it wouldnt happen again.

LOL OMG, why are you making such a big deal out of one tiny measly question?

And you keep telling me that i still like TC?

Just because im not over him, doesnt mean i still like him, its like youre intent on convincing me that i still like him ><"

I dont understand.. You get so serious, and it scares me cos i never know where i stand with you..

Its like youre out to get me and wait for me to make my next 'mistake' when i talk to you..

You knoww, if you werent like this, id probably start to like you..

You can be sweet at times, and i feel safe and comfortable with you, but i cant like someone based on just feeling safe and comfy..

And it just seems like you cant trust me, not even as a friend..

Why is that?

Is it because i broke up with you before?

Is that why you keep bringing it back up?

Im sorry i broke up with you okai?

Well, im not sorry for doing it, but im sorry for the way i did it.

Im sorry that i did it for the wrong reasons..

Well, at least what you thought were the reasons.

If i ever told you the other reason, im pretty sure you'd get upset, and i dont want you to be hurt.

The fact that my feelings for you (whatever they may be) are only present when we talk proves that i don't actually like you, i think id call them, temporary feelings..

Seeing as i dont get them when im in a relationship either..

I dont really know how you explain those types of feelings o.O

Hmmmm.. LOL

Not like its a bad thing, its just that when we dont talk, which is a lot of the time, i dont have those feelings for you, in fact, i dont really remember you until you talk to me..

Or i see your name or someone brings you up..

Its not like i randomly think of you, we have been broken up for 5 years after all..

But its like youd never trust me if we ever did get back together, its like you wont believe that id ever like you again..

But then today yo were all 'you obviously do have feelings for me' when i dont..

So its like, are you up yourself but would never accept the fact that i like you again incase i hurt you again?

Is that what it is?

Eurgh i dont understand you..

I dont understand boys in general.

Fuck this, i hate boys, imma be a nun.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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140213 ~ ♥

Dear bloggy, happy valentines day!
Or should i say, happy very sad day for me this year!

Sooo, last year, on this day, 11 minutes ago at 23:57, TC texted me saying good night, so theres me thinking he forgot about valentines day.
Low and behold, 7 minutes later, he texted me a valentines day text, asking if i thought hed forgot and that i shouldnt be silly cos he loved me and that he was thankful that id stayed with him even after all the crap hed put me through before.
Cant believe its been a year..
I was, THE happiest girl when i was with him bloggy..
And this year, i feel single af.
To be honest, im not doing too badly, im not crying over the fact that im single or anything haaa ^^
Its just that stuff like this makes me miss him, which really sucks right?
Cos he probably doesnt give a shit.
He probably acknowledges that its valentines day, and yet just doesnt give a crap and i probably havent crossed, and wont cross his mind once..
That sucks right?
And what sucks even more is, i care about that.
Like, it actually upsets me, when it shouldnt.
It really shouldnt.
I shouldnt let this affect me, i shouldnt even have him on my mind, and i should be thinking about what hes thinking..
But i do..
I am wondering what hes thinking, im wondering whether hes thinking about me, or whether hes thinking about someone else.
Eurgh.
And whats worse is im not even tired yet so i cant sleep this off T_T

I gotta try my hardest to just think of this as another day..
Its just another day Daps..
Just another day..

Well, thanks for putting up with me all these years bloggy, i really appreciate it :)

Over and OUTTTTTTTTT

♥

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100213 ~ ♥

Happy Chinese New Year bloggy!
Welcome to the year of the snakeeee!
I hope you have a great year this year! ;D
And that your blog publishing skills are just as great! :)
快高长大! ^^

Ive had work for the past two nights at my uncles takeaway in Leatherhead..
I pretty much came home to work this weekend!
I have work tonight too, well yeah, tonight, seeing as its after midnight! ;D
I worked from 5-11 yesterday, and 4-10 today!
Rawr i am one exhasuted twenty year old chinese girl!
Then i go back to Bham on monday..
Waaaaa, i like being at homeee ><"

I forgot to tell you about thursday bloggy!
My daddy came to pick me up from the station seeing as i arrived back in London that day, and he was wearing a suit..
A SUIT! ^^
Ive only ever seen him wear a suit in videos of me as a baby, so im guessing he hasnt worn a suit for like 19 years?!
Cos he stopped working at 大三元 like close enough to just after i was born/1 year old!
I think that whenever i see him wearing a suit, its like im reliving the single most proud moment of my life!
I know that sounds really weird, cos surely your parents are meant to be proud of you right?
But i just feel so prouddd, that even at his age, hes achieving things.
Wanna see a picture of my daddy inna suit? =p

Ahahaha isnt he so cute?! ^^

But yeah, just thought id share this proud moment with you bloggy!

Needless to say,  youd think that whenever i think about this proud moment of mine, where i feel like a parent seeing my kid go off to school for the first time, it would mean that ive thought about TC less.

You would be, very wrong.
In fact, recently, ive thought about and started missing him more again.
When am i gonna get out of this ugly rut of mine?! T_T
I truly believe hes cast a stupid stinky boy spell on me thats got me hopelessly devoted to him, EURGH.
I wanna get these memories outta my head.
Please someone kill me.
I dont know how long i can carry on with these thoughts and feelings in my life.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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