240613 ~ ♥

Why do i let you affect me?
I wish that whatever you said just wouldnt change how i felt, or my mood..
But when you speak to me, i start to miss you.
Just let me enjoy my holiday okai?
If you want to mess me about, then wait till im back in 5 weeks and do it when im back in england.
I need a break from all your shit okai?
Stop playing me about.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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170613 ~ ♥

*sigh* What is my life bloggy?
I was happy af before, and now im just sad af.
LOL LOVE MY LIFE.

And omg, i just found THE most relevant post on Tumblr: 'I’m broken and you’re the only one who could put me back together, but right now you’re far too busy smashing me into smaller pieces.'

Over and OUTTTTTT

♥

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160613 ~ ♥

Hey bloggy, few days no see! (Ahahah i believe the correct term is long time no see, but it hasnt actually been that long, only a few days! ^^)

TODAY IS DADDYS DAYYYY!
Happy fathers day to the best daddy in the whole entire world!

Hahahha this is his 'silly face' =p
SEE HIS BLUE EYES?!
Arent they cool?
Since the day i was born, my daddy has been my hero.
There is no other word to describe him, apart from hero.
There has not been one day where he hasnt been there for me.
Im pretty sure that during the whole 20 years of my life, hes gotten angry at me only twice.
And by angry, i mean raised his voice..
He is the best person that i know, and will ever know, with the biggest heart in this world.
I hope that my future husband will be everything that my daddy is to me, to our future children.
Or maybe even half.. I wont be greedy, half is enough seeing as nobody will be as perfect as my daddy i guess ^^
I know you know this already daddy, cos i tell you all the time, but il say it once more here: I love you ♡

On another note, I have a confession!
Today, i miss XF..
Its not that i dont miss TC.. Its just that i miss XF too..
Awks..
It makes me feel really horrible that im missing two different boys at once, ottokae? ><"
But like, that doesnt make me a terrible person does it?
I dont know what to think.. Especially when XF is so bipolar with me, and hes sucha little pussy sometimes T_T
Like.. I think i miss him because we havent spoken much lately, cos hes been revising, and maybe his presence is lacking in my life?
But then.. I never cared that much before?
So im not sure whether theres something there, or whether its just cos we have been speaking a lot in the past few months and so now i consider talking to him like a regular thing, so thats why i miss it?
I HAVE NO CLUE OMG ><"
WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LIFE?!
And then im not sure whether i miss TC, or whether i just miss him cos he sent me a damn snapchat today *sigh*
Its like, i thought you said you didnt wanna talk to me as much cos you didnt want me to get the wrong idea?
And yeah, i told you that we could just be friends, but dont snapchat me all the time then..
And then its like, sometimes you snapchat me like a madman, and then sometimes, you dont reply to my snapchats at all, and its like, are you treating me mean to keep me keen?
Are you just being a massive dick?!
And you havent texted me or spoken to me for ages, and its just like, what is my life *sigh*
And like, why do i even care really..?
But i do..
And i am a dumbass and a half, cos for some reason, i stupidly thought that you only sent me that snapchat, but OBVIOUSLY, it was just a chain snapchat HAAAA.
ME SO STUPIDDD!
And anyways, for some reason, i dont wanna watch your snapchat, i dont know why.. I just dont wanna see your face today, but theres that massive one by my snapchat thing reminding me that youre there T_T
And stupid Mr Bean's Holiday is on tv, and i know how much you love that movie!
I have that on my laptop cos you loved it so much that when you came to Bham that time, you downloaded it so we could watch it together..
And another dumb thing, when i was writing the last line of the happy fathers day message to my dad above, i thought of you cos you used to always say that to me.
Thats how much we loved each other.
Fuuuuck.
Why am i reminded of you every time i manage to not think/forget about you?
And it sucks, cos the majority of the time, youre the one who reminds me you exist.
Maybe you should let me forget about you, maybe its for the best if i just forget that you were ever a part of my life.
HA, who am i kidding? Of course i couldnt forget you, i couldnt forget you for shit.
But maybe it is for the best if i just dont speak to you, dont hear from you, and dont see you.
Maybe that way, il be able to get over you and move on like i need to.
Because im pretty sure that youve done all that already.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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140613 ~ ♥

Just tell me what you want from me.
Please.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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030613 ~ ♥

'Just Give Me A Reason' - Pink Ft. Nate Ruess

Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them

Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh
Things you never say to me, oh, oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh, we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin'
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah, but this is happenin')

You've been havin' real bad dreams, oh, oh
You used to lie so close to me, oh, oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh, our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Oh, tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, oh, that we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

From me to you, i mean this.
I have this song on repeat on my itunes atm..
Its just literally how im feeling.
I dont expect a text all the time TC.. But i hope we can have a chance, to be friends, or to be more than friends, just not strangers.
You never know whats gonna happen in the future, but hopefully well never get to the stage of being strangers again.
We went through that for nearly a year, and its everything that i didnt want to happen to us, but it happened, so please just dont let it happen again.
I dont really understand what i want to happen myself, so i couldnt possibly explain, i mean, i cant even sort out the thoughts in my head, let alone put them on paper.
Watching the strangers again video again.. Me and TC never went through stage 5: tolerance, or stage 6: downhill..
Things just ended so abruptly in stage 4.. Its like hd didnt give it a chance, or didnt try, nor want to fix it..
He just stopped it before it had a chance to end, and what part of that is fair?
For all he knows, it couldve gotten so much better, screw him.
But meh.. Chances.. Lets hope that well be given them, for whatever reason.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTT

♥

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030613 ~ ♥

Dear God,

I have a question to ask.
Is there a reason that I'm being put through this mess?
I understand that my problems arent half as bad as lots of other peoples problems, and maybe my issues arent important to you at all, but i would like to know whether there will be light at the end of the tunnel..
Its really just a question, i just want some answers, because i dont know how much longer i can hack this aching feeling in my heart.
You might not know, but the other day FH came to the takeaway to surprise me, i had no idea that hed turn up and it was such a nice surprise :)
But then he asked me if id spoken to TC lately, and i said no, not recently, cos he never replies to my texts, so its just a bit like, if ive tried, then why should i try again if i get ignored? Right?
Anyways, FH was like.. Really? Cos he always asks whether ive seen you and its like all the time.
I was like o.O Thats so weird, cos like.. If you wanna know about me, then talk to me and maybe reply right?
Anyways, so that happened, and then i wake up the next day, so like, saturday morning, i wake up to a text from TC..
I mean, God, your timing seems impeccable sometimes.. *sigh*
Anyways, you know when you just wake up, and youre squinting at your phone screen (do you have an iphone? hahahha ^^) cos the brightness is practically blinding?
Yeah so there i am squinting and i check my saps, and then i see i have a text, so i open it and its from him, and im just like WHAAAAT.
What is my life? T_T
Anyways, hes like sorry he hadnt messaged inna while or whatever..
So i was like, its fine lalala, and then we were texting throughout the day, but not really that much cos i texted FH when i saw that text and asked him whether he told TC what i said cos maybe he had something, then it wouldnt be so weird right?
But FH said he hadnt, and then we spontaneously decided to go out which was fun ^^
We went to eat and stuff, so i wasnt really texting TC that much, and he was busy etc, so yeah!
Then i had work, so not much texting, and then i went out with FH and JF that night after work to chinatown to eat siew yeh! :D
We didnt eat till like 1:30am.. I WAS STARVING LIKE A STARVING CHILD *sniff*
But then food came so i was okai ^^
Anyways, the point is.. the past two days TC has texted me when hes woken up..
Like, he texted me really early yesterday morning, and then we texted non stop from like 6pm - 1am..
Why is this happening?
I told myself i wouldnt reply to him..
But then theres a part of me that wants to, and its always in the back of my head that i havent texted him back..
And its like that part overrides the rest of me, why the hell do i give him this satisfaction?
Im sorry i used the word hell God, but i cant help it, i just dont understand what my life is atm..
I have no control when it comes to him, and i want to be able to have self freaking control ><"
So anyways, yesterday our texts got kinda flirty at some points, and i wouldnt say it was flirting, id say its what were comfortable doing with each other.
We were just texting like we used to and it wasnt just friendly at points, but i think we both realised and we kinda stopped a bit.
And then other times hes just so cold and meh towards me.. Is he bipolar God?
Why do i know so many bipolar people? *sigh*
And i was telling him about events that were gonna happen over summer, and he was basically saying he wasnt going to anything i was going to..
Is he tryna avoid seeing me in real life?
I dont know what ive done for him to want to avoid me ><"
And part of me is so damn glad that im getting away from the UK this summer cos i just wanna be able to be happy over summer with my best friends in HK.
And like, i dont think i can bear seeing TC being all friendly with everyone else and not me if we all met up together..
But then knowing that hes gonna be in the UK all summer.. A part of me wishes i wasnt going to HK so that i could hang out with him, and even if it was with a group of other people, i wish i was able to see him..
THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS COME TO, PART OF ME IS CHOOSING UK OVER HK JUST COS OF THIS STUPID FREAKING BOY.
I dont want to be like this.
Oh yeah, then last night, he was like, im sleeping, night!
So i was like yeah cool whatever, i didnt text him till i slept and i was like, goodnight!
And then i thought to myself, Daphne, you had a good day of texting him, just leave it at that.
You have good memories of him from today, so just remember that.
I had a feeling that he wouldnt text me today, and i even told CT that i knew he wouldnt.
I just knew it..
So this morning, i checked the time on my phone when i woke up, and even though i knew i wouldnt have a text from him, i couldnt help but feel disappointed..
But why was i disappointed? I knew he wasnt gonna text..
I shouldnt care right?
Im also having the stupidest thoughts in my head..
But like CT said last night, i am very right and very psychic about this kinda stuff.
But having said that, im psychic with everyone elses stuff, but with my own issues, im such a noob.. *sigh*
I really hope that my stupid thoughts dont ever come true..
I would lose friends, and itd be outta choice, and i dont want that to ever happen in my life.
I hope that il have a lucky life from here on out, and i hope everything turns out well, even if it hurts for now.

So what im asking God, is, im not trying to be rude, but are you playing a game with me?
Because if you are, can you let me know whether i win in some way in the end?
Is there a happy ending for me?
And are you doing this for a reason?
Are you trying to make me a stronger person?
Because i gotta tell you, this isnt fun at all for me.. I dont feel stronger, in fact, i feel like even though i try to act strong, i just wanna break down every other second of the day..
Its been over a year now, and here i am, and i feel like im back to square one..
Were talking again, but its like inna limbo..
Were not good friends, were not more than friends, were not just friends, were not strangers..
What do i do with my life God?
Please can you guide me somewhere?
I believe youre up there in heaven somewhere, please help me and put me out of this misery.
I want a way out of this, some days i feel like there isnt a way out of this, and if i wasnt here, everything would be so much easier.
But i dont want to throw everything else away for this one boy..
But please give me strength to get over him, i really need your help.
This is the first time I've written with you in my mind, because i feel like i havent shown you just how much i believe in you.

Please dont let me down like he did, i have faith in you God.
Please dont use me as your chess piece anymore unless i have some sort of winning chance.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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010613 ~ ♥

'Still In Love' - Jason Chen

Verse 1 ~

I feel the same way

That you did about me yesterday

Promised you'd never leave me alone

The castles that we made

Were swept by the tide and washed away

And now the sunsets have all gone

Prehook ~

Now time is moving, faster than before

And now we cant even seem to find the shore

Hook ~

Cause baby I know that you still love me

And baby know that I love you too

So tell me why cant we make it better

Cause all that I know is found in you

I'm missing you love, your face,

All of our past, don't let it erase

I know that you still feel the way I do

Because I'm still in love with you

Verse 2 ~

I wanted to move on

But unlike you, I'm not that strong

And now our day in the sun has set

We walked side by side

Leaving footprints in the sand

Now only my footsteps remain

(When the tide rolls in)

Bridge ~

If I had just one life

If I had just one more day

You would be my whole world

Be the only one I adore and

The next time, I hold you close

I won't hesitate no more

Cause baby this time

We're gonna fly high

And I will never let you go

Chorus ~

Such a damned cute song *sigh*

I cant believe its already June..
Time has gone crazy fast bloggy!
I was complaining how HK was like 3 months away.. And now its less than 3 weeks away..
DAMN TIME FLIES WHEN YOURE GETTING OLD! *sigh*

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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