241112 ~ ♥

Today i was on the train to London to see my London babies.

A memory of us decided to bombard my brain..

It was of when me and you used to mouth 'colourful' to each other cos it looks like 'i love you.'

Id say 'i love you too' and youd say 'i actually said colourful!'

Id pretend to be sad and pull a massive sad face..

Then youd laugh and giggle and pull me close and give me cuddles and kisses.

Why did you leave me with such amazing memories if theyd just end up being memories? ><"

Theyre such a painful part of my life because they are now, only memories.

It just makes it harder for me to get over you..

Ive done too much for you, and i have to leave you alone.

I know this.

I guess youre not truly mine then.

If we were still together, then youd be with me, next to me, cuddling me whilst we fell asleep together.

Everything in my life would be so much easier in my life.

Id be able to fall asleep, all comfy in your arms, instead of not being able to fall asleep every single night.

I really dont know what i did wrong.

Can you tell me?

Will you at least speak to me to tell me that much?

EURGH I DUNNO WHAT I DID WRONG, WHATS YOUR PROBLEM?! T_T

You are sooo frustrating!

Every day, im still surprised at how stupid i was.

I just cared a hella lot, and well.. you just didnt..

You douchebag T_T

So did you know that youd end our relationship?

You said that youd never let me go ever again..

You lied.

You built up an ending to our relationship from the very beginning..

Pretty sure this was us..

Exactly like this.

You liar.

You massive, massive liar.

Is this what im feeling right now?

But not for you..

For someone else..

I DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL ><"

I DONT UNDERSTAND MY OWN FEELINGS!

WHAT DO I DOOOOOO?!

But im pretty sure i dont like that person, cos i still like you..

Eurgh, what is life?! T_T

Both those boys are the same person to me.

Theyre both you, youre a douche *hmph*

You really fucked me up, you know that?!

These memories make my life hell.

I remember these things and it just feels like im reliving it all over again.

I hate remembering these things, why have you done this to me?

But you broke all your promises didnt you?

So everything that i expected was a lie.

You didnt carry any of your promises through, eurgh.

This is so true!

I hate this aspect of myself.

Someone can be the slightest bit nice to me, and il just start to love them or something T_T

ITS SO ANNOYING, because i get so caught up in it all and i just misunderstand both theirs, and my own feelings..

I wanna do this so i can fall asleep ><"

Anything to be able to fall asleep now..

Youre probably asleep already, youve always slept early.

You probably didnt give a care in the world before you fell asleep, didnt think about me at all..

Whatever.

Thats what i thought about us.

But thats where i thought wrong.

Stupid me.

Stupid, stupid me.

You did trick me didnt you?

I really thought you cared about me.

I honestly thought you felt some care for me.

Im a fudging idiot.

Thanks a lot you bum, now im always too scared to trust anyone, eurgh.

You stupid boy, I HATE YOU.

YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!

I miss you.

But if you came back to me, im not sure how id react.

But i do miss your presence, your place in my life, in my mind, in my heart.

Baby, I miss you.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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Posted by : DeeBeeex

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221112 ~ ♥

OMG!

I didnt even realise that today was supposed to be, and would have been 26th month together!

YESSS!

AND ITS NEARLY OVER!

I am legit SOO proud of myself! ^^

Usually i realise that its the 22nd the minute it reaches midnight!

AND NOW, its 13 minutes to midnight and i didnt even remember till i put the date in!

AHHHHH ^^

Does that mean that im slowly starting to get over you?

Ahhhh, the momeny of proudness.

But it doesnt mean i dont miss you..

Aishhhh now im confused with my own feelings ><"

Or is it because ive been talking to XF recently so ive been just not thinking about it as much?

I DUNNOOO ><"

ANYWAYSSS!

Time for another Tumblr haul!

If only i was willing to be a personal Youtuber, id totally make videos about these images!

I wish we didnt have these memories.

But tbh, i dont know if these memories are ours..

I think theyre more just mine..

Cos i really dont think you remember any of the things that i remember ><"

These memories haunt me, they literally haunt my brain.

I dont like to write them down because it just upsets me..

But theyre always, always on my mind.

Eurgh i wish i didnt have these memories, and that wed just be strangers again.

'Dont be sad that it ended, be glad that it happened' right? - Wrong.. These memories make me forgetting you even harder than ever.

Il find someone.

And il be happy, and even though you probably wont give a shit, it doesnt matter.

I just want to be happy, with or without you.

I let you hurt me, not once, not twice, but three times.

Tell me in what way, is that fair?

I wouldve fought for you no matter what, i wouldve stuck by you no matter what.

And you?

You left without thinking and without looking back.

I did say that.

I told you time and time again that theres no one id rather be with you and that you were perfect to me.

Maybe you didnt believe me.

Or you did believe me and took it for granted.

This is not my fault that we never talked again.

Its completely your fault.

And that just shows how much you care(d)..

We havent spoken for nearly 6 months now.

Great one.. dick.

Tbh, i wouldnt say im fighting for you.

But my brain does want you gone.

My heart misses you i guess, my heart wishes that we never ended sometimes.

But whats happened has happened, and im not gonna fight for you, in fact, i havent been.

I do in fact hope that you miss me.

But in what way, im not really sure.

I just know that i wish we were still each others.

But were not.

You lied to me.

Forever my ass.

You liar.

Obviously you never loved me then.

You ended up treating me like shit.

Thats not what love is.

Im not saying im an expert on love, because you are the first one i properly loved.

But i know that how you treated me, was definitely not love.

To be honest, even if you promised me, it probably doesnt mean anything.

All your promises are broken now, so it really doesnt matter.

Thing is, i dont mean anything to you..

Did i ever?

I dont know..

This is so right.

One year..

Thats all its taken.

My biggest what if.

I am no longer your one inna million.

Im not even like the rest.

You dont even speak to me as a friend.

I am someone you no longer know or think about.

= No more.

You are you, and i am me.

You are happy, and i am not.

What is lifeeeeee?! T_T

I thought that this little while was gonna be like a night..

When you said that youd text me back inna while, it slowly turned into never speaking to me again.

Nice, thanks, its good to know i mean(t) something to you.

This happens to me ALL THE DAMNED TIME.

I am ALWAYS getting flashbacks that i dont want to remember cos they just make me sad that theyre no longer things that are gonna happen.

They are purely memories now.

I miss you too much.

Thats pretty much all there is to it.

But day by day, its getting better, i dont miss you AS MUCH as i did..

I guess..?

Id like to think that we changed each other for the better.

I actually think we did change each other for the better.

But im pretty sure that youd disagree, otherwise you wouldnt have broken my heart.

But would i hesitate?

Im pretty sure i would, but i dont know..

Not that i actually think about this happening.. Cos i know that youre not the type to do all this fairytale stuff.

And i dont blame you for that.

I guess its just not who you are.

You messed with my life and therefore, you affected everything in it.

Thanks a lot.

NOT.

I do not thank you for doing this to me.

You suck.

You suck tiny yellow chinese penis.

Boo you.

I guess my life is pretty normal then.

Even on good days, i can remember you and feel a bit sad.

Then on bad days, when im feeling sad about you, there are always some good things, however big, or small, that make my day just that bit better.

So it cant be all bad!

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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181112 ~ ♥

I guess you had the last laugh.
I was your first girlfriend, and you were not my first boyfriend.
But i did think that youd be my last and that id be your first and last.
And yet, you were the one that broke my heart three times.
THREE TIMES!
I was so very wrong in thinking that we were gonna be forever and always.
You broke every single promise that you made me.
You did well, you managed to break the heart of your first girlfriend.
Not once, not twice, but three times.
So yeah, its pretty safe to say that you had the last laugh.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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151112 ~ ♥

I didnt even know this picture existed till last week..

I havent been that happy for a while now.

But at least now when i look at it, it makes me feel happy as well, instead of just sad..

'Remembering is hard, everything feels like ghosts.'

I guess that much is true.

I miss you.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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131112 ~ ♥

Hey bloggyyy, todays another day for picture blogging!

Its 05:26 atm.. I am so tired..

But really, theres no point in me sleeping now seeing as i gotta get up in 3 hours ><"

Que ce que le point?!

But yeahh, todays a slightly cuter post just because, i thought these GIFS would save as images.. BUT THEYVE COME OUT AS GIFS!

Ahhhh theyre sooooo cute!

Have a little piece of love bloggy, and make sure you take good care of it :)

Its coming outta a candle as well, as if loves floating into the air ^^

It is so damn cutiee!

I wish i could draw like this..

Well, i probably could but itd turn out ugly anyways T_T

You cant buy love, well, unless you wanna get with a gold-digger!

You cant buy dreams, because they just happen in your life and you dream whatever you dream.

You cant buy friends, unless of course, the same thing applies with love, you dont really care who your friends are.

You cant buy a wish come true, because thats not possible.. Unless its a wish thats to do with money o.O

You cant buy happiness, because its something you achieve, unless you go out shopping! Then you get like 5 minutes worth =p

And you definitely cant buy time, because time waits for nobody.

It comes and goes, and you dont get a choice.

You either live your life or watch it pass by.

I miss him like mad.

I cried myself to sleep last night.

I dont think ive done that since forever.

Everyone around me is so happy, and im just, not.

I hope i will be soon though :)

You were my star.

And i tried my hardest to be your sky.

I really did try.

But in the end, i wasnt a good enough sky, and i guess i cant change that.

If that how you feel, then thats how you feel.

You let me go.

And i bet the situation wasnt even that hard.

You just let me go.

As if it was the easiest decision for you to make in the whole wide world.

I really do feel like i know what hell can feel like for some people.

I feel so lonely sometimes, so tired of life, of everything.

Sometimes, i just want it to stop.

I thought youd love me no matter what.

Whether i did all those things above or not, i really thought youd love me forever.

Why can i be so wrong?

How can my judgements be so clouded?

I loved you endlessly, and i still do.

I wonder when it will stop.

I wonder when il stop loving you.

Im not saying that i dont wanna love you anymore, but i cant keep loving someone who doesnt love me back.

Well, obviously i cant help it, but ive at least go to try to stop loving you.

I gave you confidence you mother chucker! T_T

BOO YOU.

Wasting all my efforts, now im not even there to witness them, SCREW YOU.

This is true.

Thats all i wanted to say about this post :)

Over and OUTTTTTTTTT

♥

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111112 ~ ♥

“You can never completely know anyone, no matter how well you think you do. There will always be some truth about them you don’t ever get to know.”

—	Susane Colasanti

Which part of our relationship was the truth?

Which part of what you showed me of you was the truth?

How well did i know you?

I thought i knew you really, really, well, but i guess not.

Because theres truths about you that i dont know.

And i probably wont ever get to know.

Over and OUTTTTTTT

♥

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101112 ~ ♥

Heyyy bloggy, look at the date!
Its 10, 11, 12!
Wakakakaa its so cool! ^^

Today, i think its time for another Tumblr haul..
Notice ive used the word haul cos im preparing for Youtube =p
I have 31 pictures..
Soooo, i think im gonna do them ten by ten..
Because honestly, if i do them all in one post, that post is gonna be hella longgggg!
Are you ready? :)
Here we gooooo:

Was it really that easy to leave me behind?

Every time i think about it, i cant help but feel like it was one of the easiest decisions hed ever made.

I got ditched, just like that *clicks*

And its so damned obvious that i care so much more about this he does.

Well, i dont know that for sure, cos he wont speak to me, but if he cared about me, hed still be friends and talk to me..

So obviously, he doesnt give two shits.

I guess i was just easy to leave behind and easy to forget about.

You tell me bloggy, what if me and TC were meant for each other?

What if we were meant to be together forever.

Well, i actually did think that, although obviously that didnt work out too well.

But what if we were?

He threw it all away and we have no chance of finding out.

How unfair of him.

Love is, a lot of things.

But this is definitely one of them.

Hes not looking back at me, and im still looking at him.

Does that make me a pathetic soul? T_T

BOOOOO.

This is what i would define 'true story.'

I miss him so damn much, all day, every day.

And yet im pretty sure that he's pretty much forgotten that i exist.

Is that even right?

How do people do this?

Or am i just too sentimental?

Cos if thats the case, then my life is seriously sucky.

I hate being sentimental

This picture says it all.

I need him, thats pretty much it.

But to what extent do i need him?

Im not really sure of it myself.

All i know is that my heart feels like theres a hole in it..

Like somethings missing.

Like that something is him.

I'm scared.

And ive lost him already.

So what am i meant to feel now?

Am i still supposed to feel scared?

Or am i supposed to feel relief that its finally over so that i dont have to be scared?

I dont know how im supposed to feel.

I knew him so well, or at least i thought i did.

And it turns out that hes one of the people i know the least.

What does that say about my judgement?

Im sorry for a lot of things.

Im sorry for how things turned out..

Even though i shouldnt be because im not the one who broke your heart.

But im sorry if i ever did hurt you, even though im not sure cos you just upped and left so i wouldnt know.

I dont like you, because you hurt me.

But i still love you more than anything.

And that sucks because even though sometimes, i manage to dislike you in my head so much, my heart still holds on.

For me, there was only him.

Whether 'is' is the word id go for, im not sure.

For a long time, he was the only one i wanted, there could be a beautiful guy and id still just love him.

Not a part of heart wavered whilst i was with him.

And yet, for him, there is not only me.

Wheres the one who can give me the love that can put me back together?

Why am i still ripped apart?

HUHHHH?! ><"

This picture is beautiful.

Simply because it shows exactly how i feel.

I want to ask him time and time again, so this is what you mean when you said you cared about how i feel?

If only hed answer to 'hi' first.

HA.

He used to tell me that he cared about how i feel, and the last thing he said to me before he stopped talking to me was 'i love you.'

And correct me if im wrong, it means you care about someone if you love them.

So then he went and broke up with me via letter with no explanation?

So hurting me and breaking my heart is what he meant when he said he cared.

Bullshit.

Utter bullshit.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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