111113 ~ ♥

Haii bloggy,

Long time no blog!
CAN YOU BELIEVE ITS ALREADY NOVEMBER?! WHEREEEEE HAS THE TIME GONE?!
Sooo.. The reason why i havent been blogging is because i have had nothing sad to report!
ARE YOU PROUD OF ME?! :D
In fact, I HAVE BEEN VERLEE VERLEE HAPPYS ^^
SO YEAH, just seeing how you are etc, and to tell you i am great ^^

Over and OUTTTTTTTTT

♥

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210913 ~ ♥

I refuse to let you be the one to make or break me.
Have a good life, asshole.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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130913 ~ ♥

Why am i getting jealous..?
Why does it make me wanna cry?
Why does it make me wanna hibernate and never see the world again?
You said that you spoke to her last like 36 hours ago..
36 hours.. You counted?
If i count, then whats 24 x 30?
Thats 720 hours.
But you dont seem to give two shits about that.
Do i really just matter that little to you?
Is our friendship that irrelevant to your life?

Im not sure whether im jealous of you or jealous of her..
Ones my best friend, ones my ex boyfriend.. What am i supposed to be feeling?
To be honest, why do i even care really..
We had a phone conversation today, and we were just talking like two people who hardly knew each other..
We laughed together, and spoke about our past, and yet, we were so distant..
You said you hardly spoke to FH or JF..
And i outright told you that youre a shit friend.
Then you said having friends is a hassle..
If having friends is a hassle, then why are you friends with KL1?
Or is it just a hassle with certain people?
If its that then i can see where youre coming from, but why are you such a dick now?
Why are you such a massive douchebag?
You said youre the same, but lets be honest, youre not are you?
Youre no longer the TC that i used to know..
Youre just an ass.
And i told you that already..
In fact, i called you an ass about 2 or 3 times today.
Why are you talking to her so much when youre friends, and me so little when were friends, and you and JF and FH are friends?
Wheres the sense in that huh?
I dont understand..
Can you please explain it to me?
I dont get it..
Are we just not good enough friends?
Or is it awkward cos of our history?
ARGHH, EXPLAIN TO ME YOU ASSFACE T_T

Over and OUTTTTTTT

♥

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130913 ~ ♥

Is this the real thing or a false alarm..?

Over and OUTTTTT

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110913 ~ ♥

Bloggy, can you believe that its been 12 years since 9/11 all those years ago?! o.O
I cant believe it!
My heart still goes out to all those who lost someone due to 9/11 because no matter how time goes on, and no matter how people say time heals and fixes things, it still must still hurt to have lost someone.
In fact, my heart goes out to everyone who's ever lost someone, so basically, most probably everyone..
Losing someones like an un-mendable hole though isnt it?
You think youre okai, but when you think about it, it still hurts.
Right?

Anyways, onna different note..
Ive been needing to pee more, had minor breakouts, have sore boobs, hair loss has got worse, and feeling tired all the time..
These are what i call universal signs of a certain thing bloggy..
Im just praying that these signs arent leading to something that i really dont want..
Ohhh end myself, why did i even get myself into this?!
I always make these stupid decisions that make me a stressed ball of stress.
I need some control in my life when it comes to a certain person T_T
CONTROL GOD DAMNIT.
I shouldve checked it that night, i shouldve checked it before i threw it away.
WHY DIDNT I CHECK IT?!
I guess i was just so confused and when i walked into the bathroom, all i wanted was to throw it away and get rid of it and never see it again.
So here i am, regretting not checking it before chucking it.
Good one Daphne.
GOOD FUCKING ONE.
Getting myself into this freaking mess.
I pray to God that this is all just a coincidence.
That all these signs are just coincidences.
Cos if theyre not, well, i dunno what im gonna do.
Im fucked really arent i?
Literally.

Over and OUTTTT

♥

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110813 ~ ♥

Ive always wanted siblings since I was a kid..
But the way that my mums siblings treat her makes me thank the freaking LORD that im an only child.
Im sorry you gotta go through this shit mum ><"

Over and OUTTTTTT

♥

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070713 ~ ♥

Ugh, i am so sick and tired of so many people bloggy.
I swear, humans are just the freaking worst.

Over and OUTTTTTT

♥

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240613 ~ ♥

Why do i let you affect me?
I wish that whatever you said just wouldnt change how i felt, or my mood..
But when you speak to me, i start to miss you.
Just let me enjoy my holiday okai?
If you want to mess me about, then wait till im back in 5 weeks and do it when im back in england.
I need a break from all your shit okai?
Stop playing me about.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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170613 ~ ♥

*sigh* What is my life bloggy?
I was happy af before, and now im just sad af.
LOL LOVE MY LIFE.

And omg, i just found THE most relevant post on Tumblr: 'I’m broken and you’re the only one who could put me back together, but right now you’re far too busy smashing me into smaller pieces.'

Over and OUTTTTTT

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160613 ~ ♥

Hey bloggy, few days no see! (Ahahah i believe the correct term is long time no see, but it hasnt actually been that long, only a few days! ^^)

TODAY IS DADDYS DAYYYY!
Happy fathers day to the best daddy in the whole entire world!

Hahahha this is his 'silly face' =p
SEE HIS BLUE EYES?!
Arent they cool?
Since the day i was born, my daddy has been my hero.
There is no other word to describe him, apart from hero.
There has not been one day where he hasnt been there for me.
Im pretty sure that during the whole 20 years of my life, hes gotten angry at me only twice.
And by angry, i mean raised his voice..
He is the best person that i know, and will ever know, with the biggest heart in this world.
I hope that my future husband will be everything that my daddy is to me, to our future children.
Or maybe even half.. I wont be greedy, half is enough seeing as nobody will be as perfect as my daddy i guess ^^
I know you know this already daddy, cos i tell you all the time, but il say it once more here: I love you ♡

On another note, I have a confession!
Today, i miss XF..
Its not that i dont miss TC.. Its just that i miss XF too..
Awks..
It makes me feel really horrible that im missing two different boys at once, ottokae? ><"
But like, that doesnt make me a terrible person does it?
I dont know what to think.. Especially when XF is so bipolar with me, and hes sucha little pussy sometimes T_T
Like.. I think i miss him because we havent spoken much lately, cos hes been revising, and maybe his presence is lacking in my life?
But then.. I never cared that much before?
So im not sure whether theres something there, or whether its just cos we have been speaking a lot in the past few months and so now i consider talking to him like a regular thing, so thats why i miss it?
I HAVE NO CLUE OMG ><"
WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LIFE?!
And then im not sure whether i miss TC, or whether i just miss him cos he sent me a damn snapchat today *sigh*
Its like, i thought you said you didnt wanna talk to me as much cos you didnt want me to get the wrong idea?
And yeah, i told you that we could just be friends, but dont snapchat me all the time then..
And then its like, sometimes you snapchat me like a madman, and then sometimes, you dont reply to my snapchats at all, and its like, are you treating me mean to keep me keen?
Are you just being a massive dick?!
And you havent texted me or spoken to me for ages, and its just like, what is my life *sigh*
And like, why do i even care really..?
But i do..
And i am a dumbass and a half, cos for some reason, i stupidly thought that you only sent me that snapchat, but OBVIOUSLY, it was just a chain snapchat HAAAA.
ME SO STUPIDDD!
And anyways, for some reason, i dont wanna watch your snapchat, i dont know why.. I just dont wanna see your face today, but theres that massive one by my snapchat thing reminding me that youre there T_T
And stupid Mr Bean's Holiday is on tv, and i know how much you love that movie!
I have that on my laptop cos you loved it so much that when you came to Bham that time, you downloaded it so we could watch it together..
And another dumb thing, when i was writing the last line of the happy fathers day message to my dad above, i thought of you cos you used to always say that to me.
Thats how much we loved each other.
Fuuuuck.
Why am i reminded of you every time i manage to not think/forget about you?
And it sucks, cos the majority of the time, youre the one who reminds me you exist.
Maybe you should let me forget about you, maybe its for the best if i just forget that you were ever a part of my life.
HA, who am i kidding? Of course i couldnt forget you, i couldnt forget you for shit.
But maybe it is for the best if i just dont speak to you, dont hear from you, and dont see you.
Maybe that way, il be able to get over you and move on like i need to.
Because im pretty sure that youve done all that already.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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140613 ~ ♥

Just tell me what you want from me.
Please.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

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030613 ~ ♥

'Just Give Me A Reason' - Pink Ft. Nate Ruess

Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them

Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh
Things you never say to me, oh, oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh, we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin'
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah, but this is happenin')

You've been havin' real bad dreams, oh, oh
You used to lie so close to me, oh, oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh, our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Oh, tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, oh, that we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

From me to you, i mean this.
I have this song on repeat on my itunes atm..
Its just literally how im feeling.
I dont expect a text all the time TC.. But i hope we can have a chance, to be friends, or to be more than friends, just not strangers.
You never know whats gonna happen in the future, but hopefully well never get to the stage of being strangers again.
We went through that for nearly a year, and its everything that i didnt want to happen to us, but it happened, so please just dont let it happen again.
I dont really understand what i want to happen myself, so i couldnt possibly explain, i mean, i cant even sort out the thoughts in my head, let alone put them on paper.
Watching the strangers again video again.. Me and TC never went through stage 5: tolerance, or stage 6: downhill..
Things just ended so abruptly in stage 4.. Its like hd didnt give it a chance, or didnt try, nor want to fix it..
He just stopped it before it had a chance to end, and what part of that is fair?
For all he knows, it couldve gotten so much better, screw him.
But meh.. Chances.. Lets hope that well be given them, for whatever reason.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTT

♥

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030613 ~ ♥

Dear God,

I have a question to ask.
Is there a reason that I'm being put through this mess?
I understand that my problems arent half as bad as lots of other peoples problems, and maybe my issues arent important to you at all, but i would like to know whether there will be light at the end of the tunnel..
Its really just a question, i just want some answers, because i dont know how much longer i can hack this aching feeling in my heart.
You might not know, but the other day FH came to the takeaway to surprise me, i had no idea that hed turn up and it was such a nice surprise :)
But then he asked me if id spoken to TC lately, and i said no, not recently, cos he never replies to my texts, so its just a bit like, if ive tried, then why should i try again if i get ignored? Right?
Anyways, FH was like.. Really? Cos he always asks whether ive seen you and its like all the time.
I was like o.O Thats so weird, cos like.. If you wanna know about me, then talk to me and maybe reply right?
Anyways, so that happened, and then i wake up the next day, so like, saturday morning, i wake up to a text from TC..
I mean, God, your timing seems impeccable sometimes.. *sigh*
Anyways, you know when you just wake up, and youre squinting at your phone screen (do you have an iphone? hahahha ^^) cos the brightness is practically blinding?
Yeah so there i am squinting and i check my saps, and then i see i have a text, so i open it and its from him, and im just like WHAAAAT.
What is my life? T_T
Anyways, hes like sorry he hadnt messaged inna while or whatever..
So i was like, its fine lalala, and then we were texting throughout the day, but not really that much cos i texted FH when i saw that text and asked him whether he told TC what i said cos maybe he had something, then it wouldnt be so weird right?
But FH said he hadnt, and then we spontaneously decided to go out which was fun ^^
We went to eat and stuff, so i wasnt really texting TC that much, and he was busy etc, so yeah!
Then i had work, so not much texting, and then i went out with FH and JF that night after work to chinatown to eat siew yeh! :D
We didnt eat till like 1:30am.. I WAS STARVING LIKE A STARVING CHILD *sniff*
But then food came so i was okai ^^
Anyways, the point is.. the past two days TC has texted me when hes woken up..
Like, he texted me really early yesterday morning, and then we texted non stop from like 6pm - 1am..
Why is this happening?
I told myself i wouldnt reply to him..
But then theres a part of me that wants to, and its always in the back of my head that i havent texted him back..
And its like that part overrides the rest of me, why the hell do i give him this satisfaction?
Im sorry i used the word hell God, but i cant help it, i just dont understand what my life is atm..
I have no control when it comes to him, and i want to be able to have self freaking control ><"
So anyways, yesterday our texts got kinda flirty at some points, and i wouldnt say it was flirting, id say its what were comfortable doing with each other.
We were just texting like we used to and it wasnt just friendly at points, but i think we both realised and we kinda stopped a bit.
And then other times hes just so cold and meh towards me.. Is he bipolar God?
Why do i know so many bipolar people? *sigh*
And i was telling him about events that were gonna happen over summer, and he was basically saying he wasnt going to anything i was going to..
Is he tryna avoid seeing me in real life?
I dont know what ive done for him to want to avoid me ><"
And part of me is so damn glad that im getting away from the UK this summer cos i just wanna be able to be happy over summer with my best friends in HK.
And like, i dont think i can bear seeing TC being all friendly with everyone else and not me if we all met up together..
But then knowing that hes gonna be in the UK all summer.. A part of me wishes i wasnt going to HK so that i could hang out with him, and even if it was with a group of other people, i wish i was able to see him..
THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS COME TO, PART OF ME IS CHOOSING UK OVER HK JUST COS OF THIS STUPID FREAKING BOY.
I dont want to be like this.
Oh yeah, then last night, he was like, im sleeping, night!
So i was like yeah cool whatever, i didnt text him till i slept and i was like, goodnight!
And then i thought to myself, Daphne, you had a good day of texting him, just leave it at that.
You have good memories of him from today, so just remember that.
I had a feeling that he wouldnt text me today, and i even told CT that i knew he wouldnt.
I just knew it..
So this morning, i checked the time on my phone when i woke up, and even though i knew i wouldnt have a text from him, i couldnt help but feel disappointed..
But why was i disappointed? I knew he wasnt gonna text..
I shouldnt care right?
Im also having the stupidest thoughts in my head..
But like CT said last night, i am very right and very psychic about this kinda stuff.
But having said that, im psychic with everyone elses stuff, but with my own issues, im such a noob.. *sigh*
I really hope that my stupid thoughts dont ever come true..
I would lose friends, and itd be outta choice, and i dont want that to ever happen in my life.
I hope that il have a lucky life from here on out, and i hope everything turns out well, even if it hurts for now.

So what im asking God, is, im not trying to be rude, but are you playing a game with me?
Because if you are, can you let me know whether i win in some way in the end?
Is there a happy ending for me?
And are you doing this for a reason?
Are you trying to make me a stronger person?
Because i gotta tell you, this isnt fun at all for me.. I dont feel stronger, in fact, i feel like even though i try to act strong, i just wanna break down every other second of the day..
Its been over a year now, and here i am, and i feel like im back to square one..
Were talking again, but its like inna limbo..
Were not good friends, were not more than friends, were not just friends, were not strangers..
What do i do with my life God?
Please can you guide me somewhere?
I believe youre up there in heaven somewhere, please help me and put me out of this misery.
I want a way out of this, some days i feel like there isnt a way out of this, and if i wasnt here, everything would be so much easier.
But i dont want to throw everything else away for this one boy..
But please give me strength to get over him, i really need your help.
This is the first time I've written with you in my mind, because i feel like i havent shown you just how much i believe in you.

Please dont let me down like he did, i have faith in you God.
Please dont use me as your chess piece anymore unless i have some sort of winning chance.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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010613 ~ ♥

'Still In Love' - Jason Chen

Verse 1 ~

I feel the same way

That you did about me yesterday

Promised you'd never leave me alone

The castles that we made

Were swept by the tide and washed away

And now the sunsets have all gone

Prehook ~

Now time is moving, faster than before

And now we cant even seem to find the shore

Hook ~

Cause baby I know that you still love me

And baby know that I love you too

So tell me why cant we make it better

Cause all that I know is found in you

I'm missing you love, your face,

All of our past, don't let it erase

I know that you still feel the way I do

Because I'm still in love with you

Verse 2 ~

I wanted to move on

But unlike you, I'm not that strong

And now our day in the sun has set

We walked side by side

Leaving footprints in the sand

Now only my footsteps remain

(When the tide rolls in)

Bridge ~

If I had just one life

If I had just one more day

You would be my whole world

Be the only one I adore and

The next time, I hold you close

I won't hesitate no more

Cause baby this time

We're gonna fly high

And I will never let you go

Chorus ~

Such a damned cute song *sigh*

I cant believe its already June..
Time has gone crazy fast bloggy!
I was complaining how HK was like 3 months away.. And now its less than 3 weeks away..
DAMN TIME FLIES WHEN YOURE GETTING OLD! *sigh*

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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230513 ~ ♥

Bloggy, I just made a lemon meringue pie! ^^
It looks beautiful if i may say so myself =p
My baking/cooking skills are at housewife standard!

I have a feeling todays blog entry is gonna be kinda long, you better get ready to have lots told to you! :)

I am stressing out about my day tomorrow!
DAMN WORK.
Basically, i have to get up at 8..
Eat brekkie till 8:45
Start my workout at 11
Finish my workout at 12 and shower till 12:15
Hand around and do nothing for about half an hour whilst i wait for my hair to dry a little before i blowdry it ><"
Get ready at 12:45 to film my video at 1
Film my video from 1 till 2
Eat lunch from 2:30 till 3
Edit my video from 3 and hopefully finish editing and be able to start uploading it at 4:30
Which gives me 15 minutes to get changed to go to work at 4:45..
Kill me please.
Just actually kill me *sigh*
JAM PACKED DAY TOMORROW, IMMA HAVE TO STICK TIGHT TO THIS SCHEDULEE!

Oh yeah.. So me and XF have been talking again..
Weve been talking about the future/our relationship(?) etc again..
Aish, were at that stage again..
Fml.
He went and told me to love him instead of TC and to forget about TC.
LOL, why would you say something like that?
And then hes all like 'were not just friends' and hes making me ask my dad in front of him whether my dad would approve of us being together?
I dunno.. our conversations always end up really weirdly and they just go off on a tangent, and theyre always about our future house or us having sex? LMAO
Not in like an actual sex way, just like, he basically said every 1000 pounds he spends on our future house, i have to have sex with him once, so i wanted a 2.5 mil house HAHAHAHA!
And so thats like 2500 sex's a year, aka sex 7 times a day, 265 times a year..
Sorry but i am not a horny rabbit in the spring time LMAO
So i was like.. make that over 3 years pahahah!
And yeah.. Like we just always talk about weird things, i dunno..
JUST ARGH..
And when were on skype, hes just like BLEH
Oh yeah! And then after saying 'were not just friends' like 2948405 times, a few days later, when i quoted him saying 'were not just friends', he was like ' lol yeah cos were good friends'
Like.. If were good friends, then you dont have to say were not just friends.. Cos good friends are friends..
Not jus friends implies something more than friends.
Idiot T_T
I dont even know what to think when it comes to him, he confuses the fudgekins outta me.
Oh yeah, and to top it all off, he hasnt spoken to me for like over 24 hours.
Ha love life.

KL1's birthday is coming up.. Its in like 15 days, and i have no idea what to get her ><"
And i know that if i ask her, she'll be like, i dont want anything ARGH.
Shes gonna hit the big 2 0 just like me mwaahahha!
There is one thing im slightly stupidly uncomfortable about though..
So heres the thing.. The other day, i found out that KL and TC shared a bed in Southampton..
Firstly, i guess i was upset cos me and KL are supposed to besties, butttt, i didnt get an invite.
Meh whatever, i can look over that, cos im not really the type of person to get toooo upset about not getting invited to something.
Well anyways, i got over it.
But then after i got over that, i found out that theyd shared a bed..
I dunno, it just made me very uncomfortable.
It made me so uncomfortable that i cried for several hours to CT..
Thinking about it now, it was stupid, cos theyre like brother and sister, and well.. after all, its just sharing a bed right?
And especially cos i shared a bed with FH the other day when he came to visit me in bham, and like, there were no feelings whatsoever there, hes like a brother to me ^^
So yeah, looking back on it now, it was stupid to cry about that.
Obviously, i wasnt just crying about them sharing a bed, like, it was TC in general that made me cry, but to think that that triggered it *sigh*
What has my life come to?
But yeah, it did make me a very uncomfortable and upset, and i was really angry at KL for multiple reasons.
But meh whatever, i got over it, so just as well i didnt talk to her about it, cos well, its not really important is it? Haahah ^^"

But yeah, back to the presents thing..
I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO GET HER OMG WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LIFE?! T_T
She doesnt wear makeup, and she wouldnt want heels, and AFnpaivboabfa kill me.
But yeah, that brings me back to Summer 2011..
Wow thats a long time ago..
But yeahh, i remember that summer me and TC were broken up, and KL told me about how TC had given her this handmade present, and i got really upset..
Like, it wasnt even jealousy, like hand on my heart it wasnt, it was genuinely just upset.
And this year, stupidly, im scared hes gonna do that again..
To be honest, why am i even scared or upset about it?
Like.. its not like were together, nor are we ever gonna be again, but its just like wtffff like afpabobfaooad ><"
And i just dont know what to do or how to make these feelings go away, just go awayyyyy!
I hate myself for thinking and feeling this way, and thinking and feeling these stupid things that arent even real.
Its pretty much all made up in my head, but its just the thought that he puts into their friendship and im just like.. I was meant to have that with him.
Like, i dont even know what im thinking T_T
STUPID DAPHNE.
But yeahh, like, i know nothing would ever happen between them, thats not why im upset.
Well, if something did happen between them in the future, id pretty much disown both of them, but thats not why im upset..
Im just upset cos hes putting thoughts into their friendship and i feel like i have nothing with him.
Which is true, i do have nothing with him, because its in the past, but i just cant freaking GET OVER IT/HIM.
EURGHHHHHHHHH T_T
And its just dumb, cos i have the same kind of relationship with FH and JF, except not as extreme..
I dunno, maybe thats why..
I dunno.

And like, me and TC havent spoken for a while, like, hell never talk to me first, its always me starting conversations, and i guess even as a friend, im tired of that.
I feel like cos of the history we have between us, if i keep talking to him first, im gonna sem really keen, even if i am trying to be friendly towards him..
It just sucks that well never be able to be just friends.
Cos even when we are having normal conversations, they turn funky T_T
Like, did i tell you bloggy, about that dumbo conversation?
As in the film Dumbo?
Basically, i was like 'Dumbo's sucha cutie' and he was like 'im Dumbo!'
Like no.. Why are you saying youre what i think is cute?
And then the day FH came to bham to see me, TC and FH were facetiming, and then TC had to go to dinner with HC (his friend HILL! >;:]) and like.. he was sapping me and i was like, remember to take a picture of HC cooking for me cos guys who can cook are *insert heart for eyes face that you can find on iphone emojis* and he was like, i can cook!
And i was like.. no you can't, you didnt ever cook for me once, and he was like, fine next year il come to bham and cook for you, and i was like, haaa, whatever, when that day comes, pigs will fly, and he was like, i actually will, and i was like, looks like pigs will be flying then, and he was like, looks that way.
LIKE ARGH WHY ARE YOU SAYING THESE THINGS?!
And just.. MEHMEHMEH!
Then after he said these things, he stopped talking to me..
LOL what an utter joke.
My life is an actual joke.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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160513 ~ ♥

Hey bloggy, i dont really know how to put this, but..
I think im starting to have a crush (hahha sucha kiddy word) on another guy?
But then im upset about TC thinking a nearly porn star celebrity is hot?
I dont really know what to think, and i dont even know what im thinking..
Why am i mad at TC when its the stupidest thing ever?
I never used to care when we were together..
Maybe its the fact that shes like.. practically a porn star o.O
Shes the type of model who wears like only underwear and poses all sexually and wears loadssss of makeup..
But like, i shouldnt care, cos lets be fair, im into hot models who wear nothing? LOL
So why do i even care?
I dont know..
Maybe its cos he's attracted to someone else, even if its just a model, so i feel like hes slipping even further away from me..
And after seeing the type that he likes now.. Its obvious that im nothing like that, so its just like.. Why were we together?
Meh..

And this new guy.. Isnt a new guy..
He is also an ex.. What do i dooo fml.
Why do i always go backwards, cant i move forwards in my freaking life?
Im actually upset that i cant go visit him cos he's got so many exams..
Weve been talking about it for the past few days, and the first day hes like book it tomorrow when i get my schedule, then hes like, book it tomorrow cos i gotta ask my friend whether its okai, and then today hes like, im sooo stressed.
So i was like, okai, i just wont come, hoping hed say, noo come anyways, but nope, hahaha, he agreed.
So i guess i asked for it!
But its fine, cos i want him to do well :)
And i guess i saved like £300! :)

Its weird though, ive always thought of him as a friend since we broke up like 4/5 years ago..
But then its like, hell never be just a friend cos i did love him at the time, even though i ended up breaking up with him.
And then today i had a heart to heart with my dad in the car, and we were talking about him, cos my dad knows him, and its just like.. I dunno, i think i realised that hes not just a friend to me..
Like, hell always be more than just a normal friend, even if were nothing more than friends.
Does that make sense to you bloggy?
But then thats what i mean, were those feelings just clouded by my even stronger feelings for TC at the time that we were together?
Is that how love works?
But then, i wouldnt consider XF my first love.. Cos thats what id call TC..
FUCKKK im so mind fucked.
I dont even know what im thinking..
I dont even know whats going on in my mind and im just really damn confused as to how im feeling atm *sigh*

Its like one half of me is saying, let go of TC, youre starting and could continue to like someone else, but then its like the other half of me is like, dont let go, cos you know you still love him.
I know for sure that i wouldnt do anything with XF now anyways, simply cos im not over TC and it wouldnt be fair on me or XF..
AISHHHH.
Bloggy.. you should see the things XF says to me..
Like you dont say those things to friends..
He kept saying that were not just friends, and when i said we were, he got mad at me.
And hes all like, lets have sex, and im like i dont do that with friends, i only do that with someone i love.
And hes like, well, were gonna end up married anyways so..
And just like, the things he says bloggy, i dunno what to thinkkk :(
WHAT IS MY LIFEEEE?!
I dont wanna start crushing on him just cos were good friends and we know each other and im comfortable with him, does that make sense?
Like, dont get me wrong, i feel like i have a really strong connection with him, and i think that after all these years, wed work together and weve both grown up and relationships are different for this age than they were for like 14/15 year olds like we were at that time..
But..
Aish i dunno.
BLEHHHHHHHH ><"

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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Posted by : DeeBeeex

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050513 ~ ♥

Awww its just so nice when people who you treat as your best friends dont even respond to you when you're feeling left out.
Like, i get it, i was an add on to their group, i completely get that.
They probably just tolerated me cos i started being with TC, and now that were not together anymore, they dont have to invite me to their group things, i get that.
But like.. At least when i show that im upset about it, dont just ignore me..
Like.. I thought we were friends..
JF pretended like i didnt say anything and just kept changing the subject.
FH and KL1 both didnt text back.
KL1 im especially surprised at just cos shes supposed to be like my bestest best friend ><"
I dunno..
I dont really know what to think.
TC, well, obviously i didnt say anything about it to him, cos were not talking remember?
Were just back to square one, where were not talking and hes completely fine, and im dying again T_T
GREAT.
And just why would FH keep sending me snapchats of TC..
Like thats just so uncool, like i know i know, we told him that we were friends again, but even if we are friends again, like FH knows im not over him, those snapchats just arent working for me..
Fudging hate my fudging life.
For fudge sakes.

Maybe i should do some work to take my mind off it..
EURGHHH ><"
I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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010513 ~ ♥

You'll Never Know - Lawson

You'll never touch my face

We'll never play these games

We'll never be the same

I think about that night

You never said goodbye

You only looked away

It's like my heart stopped beating

When you walked away

And all that I believed in

Is going to waste

You'll never know that I love

You'll never know that I trusted you in every way

You'll never know that I miss

You'll never know that I think about you every day

I never called you out

Because it hurts too much

Oh I regret that day

I never dared to ask

If you would take me back

Scared of what you'd say

Because my heart stopped beating

And you walked away

And all that I believed in

Is going to waste

You'll never know that I love

You'll never know that I trusted you in every way

You'll never know that I miss

You'll never know that I think about you every day

You'll never know these years I cried

Without sleeping on your side

And you've been thinking of me

I don't, I don't know

You'll never know I'm up all night

You're still the best thing in my life

And if you ever come back

I'll never, I'll never know

You'll never know that I love

You'll never know that I trusted you in every way

You'll never know that I miss

You'll never know that I think about you every day

You'll never know these years I cried

Without sleeping on your side

And you've been thinking of me

I don't, I don't know

You'll never know I'm up all night

You're still the best thing in my life

And if you ever come back

I'll never, I'll never know

Over and OUTTTTTTT

♥

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Posted by : DeeBeeex

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