Monday 22 April 2013

220413 ~ ♥

You cant just act like you like me.
Eurgh how could you do this?
Square fucking one.
For fucks sake.

Look at the date..
And im in sheffield.
Fuck.
Arghhhhhhhh.

Over and OUTTTTTTT

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Sunday 21 April 2013

210413 ~ ♥

You really fucked me over this time..
Im back to square one again, just with a different problem..
Fuck.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT


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Saturday 20 April 2013

200413 ~ ♥

Hey bloggy,

Im in Sheffield atm! :)
It is a sunny af day!
I am so grateful for the weather cos its BEE-EWWW-TIFUL!
Sunny, blue skies, warm, bit of a breeze!
Like i said, BEAUTIFUL weather!
My weather app says that its 17 degrees atm!
WHICH IS GREATTT! :D
The apps pretty cool btw, just thought id say, CT introduced me to it! ^^
In HK its 25 degrees, i cant wait to go there!

So since yesterday, until Tuesday, imma be living inna house of 6 boys.
HAHA!
I feel like a mum.. I feel like im looking after 6 sons PAHAHA!
Speaking of that, i was meant to cook dinner for PS and i tonight but im not gonna be back for dinner i dont think ><"
AND IM HUNGRY AS WELL ><"
Guess im drinking onnan empty stomach tonight then..
The boys found out ive never been properly drunk as well so theyre trying to get me tipsy tonight and drunk on Monday when we go out clubbing ><"
Imma die arent i?
Hahaha this is gonna go and end so badly!

Errr.. My dad just called me and then cut me off, so i called him back and hes just put me on voicemail.
WHATS THE MEANING OF THIS FATHER? T_T
He doesnt know im in Sheffield atm..
Mega awks.
AND LMAO I JUST CHANGED MY KEYBOARD TO HINDI.
I STARTED TYPING AND ITS LIKE SQUIGGLES, I WAS LIKE WTF?! LOOOOOL
There isnt chinese! o.O
Im offended!

Anyways.. Back to english..
Although the weather is nice af, i am sat in the library with CH and his friend Matt :)
As you can see, i cant type his initials cos i dont actually know his surname..
Awks hahaha! ^^"
Im finding it kinda awks cos this is the library that TC goes to all the time, and im just like, AHH WHAT IF I SEE HIM T_T
There are so many asians here and everytime i see one outta the corner of my eye, im like OH NOOOOOO.
But then its never him PHEWWW!
Ahhh these keyboards confuse me cos the keys are in different places, i dont understand.
And i dont know if i should be blogging atm cos the keyboards really loud and you know how fast i type and yeahh D=
And so im making loads of noisee! ><"
I feel bad for my friends sat next to me cos theyre actually tryna work and im just loud af ><"

So anyways, i was just on Tumblr, cos im actually just here to hang out with them whilst they work, cos i have no work!
Well.. Thats a lie, i have a shit load of work, im just choosing not to do it cos im an idiot.
ANYWAYS, so i was on Tumblr, and i saw this picture, and i cant save it, so im just gonna link it! :D

http://deebeex.tumblr.com/post/48431542350/loveyourquotes

Okai.. I feel like i should tell you.. The reason im linking this is cos Im seeing TC later.
So in all fairness, it wouldnt matter if i saw him now in the library.. LOL ><;"
I am legitimately shitting myself..
I dont know what im gonna do, am i gonna cry?
I really hope i dont cry cos i would look stupid, i am done looking weak in front of him..
Ive looked weak in front of him so many times, so theres gotta be at least one time where i look stronger right?
It sucks though cos he knows imma pussyhole anyways..
The main reason im going to see him is cos i need answers to be able to get over him, or have any chance of moving on and not being forever alone cos i cant get over him..
And i just feel like i need to clear the air with him you know?
But hes being so blunt with me anyways, but apparently thats cos hes scared to talk to me..
WHY WOULD HE BE SCARED TO TALK TO ME?!
Surely the one whos been hurt should be the scared one, well, i AM the scared one, like i said, im shitting myself mannnn!
Ahhh shit, just remembered i cant cook PS dinner then!
Actually.. If im seeing TC at 5..
It wont take that long for us to talk, so il probably be back pretty soon, so i guess i can buy and make dinner before we predrink!
Anyways, tonight.. TC.. BLEHHH.
Its gonna be awk af.
*SIGHH*

Im going to a house party tonight full of chemistry students!
Imma feel like im inna room full of really, really smart people haha!
I always think maths and sceience students are so much smarter than arts students ><"
I feel so dumb when im with them LOOL
There they are doing experiments and then theres me writing about SHAKESPEARE.
Having said that, he is a legend and a hald and i love him loadssss!
That makes me sound like a geek and a half.
Anyways, a house party would help lemme drown my sorrows tonight after everything fails and goes badly with TC.
And he breaks me in every way possible all over again when he gives me the answers that ive wanted to get for nearly 11 months now..
Its weird how imma be in Sheffield on the 22nd..
Its like im supposed to be here to celebrate another monthiversary or something..
But obviously im not cos those dont exist for us anymore and im actually here to see PS and CH!
But yeah, its just weird thats all *sigh*
Like mega sighs..
Depressing life of mine *crying*

So yeah, if everything goes downhill tonight (which it probably will cos he has a nack for breaking my heart..)
Im probably gonna be hearing a lot of awkward silences, pauses, 'it was complex and you wouldnt have understood's, 'i just didnt love you anymore's
SO YEAH, imma have to drink my life away tonight!
Last night, i had 2 koppabergs just whilst watching The Hobbit (THOSE BOYS ARE BAD INFLUENCES)
AND I WENT BRIGHT RED LIKE AN UGLY TOMATO! T_T
This asian flush needs to sort itself out! LMAO!
The boys were like 'i cant believe you go so red' and im just like 'i know right, and i was completely sober as well!'
Facking hell T_T

Anyways bloggy, were leaving to go to the snooker championship (?) crucible place soon?
LOL I HAVE NO CLUE, im just going where the boys are going, cos otherwise imma be lost in Sheffield ><"
So yeahh, thats all i have to say for now, dont worry,  il blog again soon!
Damnn todays entrys been pretty long!

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTTT

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Monday 15 April 2013

150413 ~ ♥

My blob still hasnt come..
Fuck.
But i havent done anything i shouldnt have.. So its like, i have no reason to be late..
Aish.
Im beginning to think i have teenage menopause.. ><"
And i was like, 'dad, i think i have teenage menopause' and he went 'ding dee lai' which translated into english is like.. 'calm down, itll be okai' kinda thing..
And thing is, the last time he said that to me was when TC didnt contact me that week..
And he said 'ding dee lai, kui wui wun lei gehh' which translates to 'dont worry, hell look for you.'
And so the last time my dad said that phrase.. What i predicted happened..
So i guess i have teenage menopause.
Great.
Fuck.

All TC had to do was prove me wrong and i wouldnt have teenage menopause now T_T
FUCK MY LIFEEEEE.
Why didnt you look for me?
I miss you.
I really, really, miss you.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTT


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Wednesday 3 April 2013

030413 ~ ♥

Bloggy..

I have had the worst day today.
Well.. It was actually a pretty good day till it reached like 8:30/9pm..

Lets start with when i woke up okai?
I woke up after having a stupid dream about TC.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Shouldve known it was a foreshadowing of what was to come later that night T_T
So anyway, after yet another night of broken sleep, there i am, waking up and thinking about him first thing.
GREAT START TO THE DAY! (Not.)
Anyways.. I decide imma soldier on, and just move on with my day!
So then daddy wakes up and is all 'Lets go to kingston'
So im like OKIE DOKIES, LEMME GET READY!
And it was all sunny and great, and even though it was cold af, i enjoy spending time with my dad, so i was like lalala, fun fun fun!
We went to the banks to sort some stuff out, and then i bought 2 pairs of new shoes, YAY :D
My feet have shrunk half a size btw bloggy..
Great..
But whatever, thats the least of my problems!
So then after that, we went to Waitrose, and bought some sandwiches for lunchies and we decided to go home after that cos i had to get home to get ready to go to AS'.

Then.. as we drive home, the traffic is soooo bad.
Now i think back to it.. There have been a lotta problems with this day T_T
Well anyways.. So were both eating whilst dads driving cos were so damn hungry and we wont have time to eat by the time we get home.
So theres us having like a proper feast, which i guess is good! :D

Then, we get home, and im all rushed to freaking get ready LMAO
And theres me trying on my new shoes seeing which ones to wear.. And lemme tell you bloggy, that is a mission and a half.
Well then anyways, im finished getting ready, and my dad takes me to the train station, and im there early.
Like a noob, sucha rookie mistake, especially onna freezing cold ass day! T_T
So anyways, train came lalala, and i meet AS on le train, and then we get to Weybridge.
Err.. We waited half a freaking hour to get on the train to Addlestone..
HALF AN HOUR.
First they were cancelled, then delayed, then whatever.
See! Another problem!
Well, anyways, the train finally came after like ten thousand years, and we got to Addlestone and i wanted a Costa..
ALAS, it was already 6pm and they were shut ><"
WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yet another problem *sigh*

Anyways, so then we got home and everything was fine and dandyyy.
Got ready to go out etcc, and this was what i looked likee:



This is meeee, dun dun dun dun!
Check out those eyebagsss, just another sad part of my life!
I need better sleep mannn, hate my life T_T

ANYHOOOO, we arrive at the pub at 19:37.. How i remember that, dont ask me..
And me and AS are getting a drink and JWS arrives!
Not long after that, the boys start arriving, and then AB and HW arrive with their boyfriends.
Thennn, FH and JF arrive!
My boysss! ^^
So there i am super duper happy, and slightly hyper from the drink might i add.
And im like yayayyayay my boys are heree ^^
So i give them hugs lalala and then im off to order some chips cos i am so damned hungry LMAO!
Imma fatty, whatcha gonna dooo?!
So then after ordering, i walk to le toilet with AS and JWS and we hang out for a bit in there, you knowww, as girls do..
Cos toilets are the most sanitary place in the worldd..
And then we decide to leaveee and rejoin reality! ^^
And then RK is running like a madwoman to us and going 'BACK! BACK! BACK! BACK!'
I thought something had happened to her fml, she was proper like crazily yelling o.O
Then she went to me, TCs here.
My heart fucking stopped bloggy.
Like legit stopped.
I thought i was gonna be sick.
I thought i was gonna throw up.
I was like what..?
Id heard her, but its like i couldnt really take it in..
He said he wasnt gonna be here..
Why was he here?
He knew I was going to be here, so he shouldve at least texted beforehand to be like 'hey im gonna be coming tonight, just a heads up' OR SOMETHING.
ANYTHING WOULDVE BEEN GOOD FML.
So there i am, shocked as anything, and im just like fml, what do i even do with my life?
I mean, what even is life?
Imma good person, but God does not like me when it comes to me and TC ><"
I dont know why, we were a good couple, but maybe God just didnt like us together *sigh*

So then anyways, i walk up to the table, and he doesnt even say hi..
No hi, no smile, no nothing.
Doesnt even look at me.
Pretends im not there, i am non existant bloggy, im telling you..
Well either way, i sit down and eat some chips.. Although from the feeling in my tummy, i am not hungry at all.
It feels horrible in my tummy, its like its tying knots on itself.
So then him, FH, JF, and KL1 sit on another table, and i know the first table was cramped but meh, whatever.
So then im like yeahh whatever, but sometimes, hes looking at me.
I dont know what to do..
Dont look at me like you wanna say hi if youre not gonna say hi?
Im getting too old for this bloggy.. I just dont have the strength to deal with this shit anymore *cries*
Anyways, so then half way through, AS like drags him off, and i think at some point before she did that, she tried to make him speak to me but he didnt..
Typical really T_T
Well then anyways, theyre having their DMC in another part of the pub, and so im just hanging with JF and FH really, which is fine by me ^^
But then id look over and hed be looking at me..
I didnt know what to do bloggy, what would you have done?
Ottokae? ><"

Well then anyways, to cut things short, i had to leave, and i went over to hug AS after hugging everyone i was sitting with, and she told me to say bye to him.
So then i did.. Even though I felt that he shouldve been the one to speak first..
Well either way, i was like 'bye' and he went 'see you.'
No.
Dont casually say see you after youve ignored me for so long.
I can see why youd say it, just cos you know, youd say that to everyone else.
But lets be honest now, you gotta think about what you say to someone with a broken heart because of you and then you proceeded to ignore for nearly a year.
LETS BE REAL HERE, you dont just say things like that all casj.
NAHH MANNN NAHHHH.

So now i dont know whether to text you or not.
What is my life bloggy?
What actually is my life? *sigh* :'(
I need to sort this shit out.
Sometimes i feel fine, but other times, i feel like i could break down.
Back to square fucking 1 again.
Good one TC, good one.
Youve really gone and fucked me up for good.
Round of applause for you.
Now how the fuck do i unfuck myself? T_T
FUCK MY LIFE.
Whole loada fucks for you today bloggy, i apologise for my friends.
But i am well and truly, fucked.

Over and OUTTTTTTT

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