280314 ~ ♥

Theres a Chinese proverb that goes a little something like this: 甜的吃,苦的也吃
This translates to: Take the sweet, Take the bitter too.
I was watching a drama today, and I think that this is such a great life motto.
It shows that in life, there is good, and bad, and we as humans, should take both.
Without knowing the good, how would we know the bad? And without knowing the bad, how would we know when we've been blessed with the good?
Imagine if everything was good, i can guarantee that everything would feel average.
Even if something amazing happened, we would be like, 'well, that happens all the time.'
We as humans are really ungrateful of what we are given, even when we have the chance to experience the bad, so seriously, take a moment to imagine if everything in this world was good.
I can tell you straight away that it wouldn't be as fun as you'd think.
What I'm trying to say is, whilst you appreciate all the good things when they come to you, know that there will be bad times in your life as well.
When you're happy, know that bad things are bound to come your way, and know that when you're sad, and in a bad place in life, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, and good things will come your way in time, thats just not how life works.

If i had the choice, id still want to experience the bad that I've already experienced in my life.
And as I'm only 21, i can tell you now that i will have many more bad experiences to come.
And i welcome them into my life to make me a better person, because having a chance to better myself is something that i should take advantage of.
There is no such thing as a perfect person, and no matter how much you think another person may be perfect, they aren't.
There are so many underlying factors that you may not know about, and even if you do know that person like the back of your hand, you are not them.
You may see others being very happy, having the 'perfect' life that you may think you want.
But are you saying that you are currently unhappy?
Because i believe that as long as you are happy, then why should you focus on what is making you unhappy, and what you are 'lacking'. Instead, you should focus on what you have, because that is what your life is, and you should be happy with what you have.
Im not saying that you shouldn't follow your dreams, of course thats not what I'm saying, it is always good for a person to have aims and goals.
But what i mean is, if you aren't happy with what you currently have, then what makes you think that you'll be happy just because you have 'more'?
Is that 'more' really what you need? Or is it just something that you feel like you need because you feel like you don't have everything that you want?
What I'm asking is, are you being greedy?

Im a girl, you don't have to tell me about unnecessary wants.
There are a TONNE of unnecessary wants on my list, and yeah, if i got that handbag i want, then yeah, id be happy.
But would it really make me 'happy'?
What even is the meaning of the word 'happy'?
Again, i can tell you straight away, that the happiness i get when i get that handbag, would feel nothing like the happiness that i feel when, lets say, i see my dad after not seeing him for ages, or having a catch up dinner with my friends, or cuddling with BL after a long day of doing nothing.
That there, is happiness, something that you can feel within.
So i guess what I'm trying to get at today is, determine the different types of happiness, and figure out which one is most important, cos i can tell you that its not the materialistic happiness that will get you through the days.

Which leads me to another point, people who say they'd choose money over love.
Ahhhh, what are you thinking dear human?!
Love>Money.
Definitely, no question.
You could ask me that again, and again, and again, and id still give you the same answer.
No question.

Okai, now that i think about it, todays blog post has been a bit wishy washy and a bit here and there, but i guess thats how I'm feeling tonight.
Im lying in bed you see bloggy, and I've had a strange day..
I woke up at 09:30, cos CT was getting the train back home today, and so i said id go into town with her.
Then i went to boots to buy some cream.
But then i came back home and at 12, i fell asleep again till 4..
So i missed my lecture and seminar..
I was ridiculously, insanely tired.
It was so abnormal I'm telling you T_T
Then afterwards, i went back into town cos GUESS WHAT?!
I opened the cream and it was empty..
WHAAAT.
But i guess it got me outta the house LOL.
And then i spent the rest of the day doing nothing.
IT WAS GREAT.

I miss BL today, he's been a good boy and he's been doing work for the past two days.
I decided not to see him for the next two weeks cos he has a lot of work to do, and i guess i should start my projects too.
The end of my university journey is closing in on me..
Seriously, where the poop has the time gone?!
But yeah, i miss him today, and then i was on tumblr just now, and i saw this post:

I guess the thing that BL said that fit right into the empty place in my heart was: 'DAPHNE!'

If you guys have read my previous blog posts on how we met and what happened between us etc, you'll know why.

But the second he called my name that night after he came outta the club really did make me smile.

And that was the first time he made me smile.

I know he meant it as a friend, and i didn't think of it as more than a friendly thing, but it really did make me smile for some reason.

BL, if you ever read this, thank you for calling my name that night ^^"

Well bloggy, I'm done blogging for today, maybe il blog more again soon!

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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221113 / 250214 ~ ♥

Hahahaa, look what i just found in my drafts from before Christmas bloggy..
Time to edit, update, and post it i guess!

"Hai bloggyyy!

Im currently sat in BLs bed listening to christmas music!
BL is the boyfriend by the way!
I havent really updated you.. But tbh, its all happened so fast that i havent really even had time to update myself!
Its all like WOOAHHHH its all happening so quickly!

I cant believe its already the 22nd of November..
Damn, time really does fly doesnt it?
Less than a month till my birthday, a month and 3 days until christmas, and then a week later, its 2014!

Seeing as i have 15 minutes to kill until i gotta leave to go to mels to get ready for PK tonight, il update you!
So, on new years eve, im off to the Philippines to celebrate my 21st!
I cant believe im turning 21 in less than a month.. ><"
I feel so old damnnn..
Anyways, NYE, im kinda like mehhh, cos its supposed to be me and BLs first NYE together, but like he said, we have lots of NYEs to come so i guess its okai ^^
Then in the summer, I'm going on holiday again with my YOLO group! :D
There is a lot to do this year!
Oh yeah, and im graduating as well, how CRAZY is that?!
Its actually mad.. Where the poop has time gone?!
Seriously!

Hmm.. So where do i start with the BL story?
Ummm, so on the 16th of September, me and YOLO group went to Penthouse for a clubbing event to celebrate WPs 21st.
And there, me and KL2 bumped into DJ and we were like woahhh wtff, havent seen you in like 94595 years! o.O
And with him was BL, JH, and ML.
So that night, me and BL took a picture together, and KL2 was all like THATS SO CUTE LALALA!
Hahaha, and at that time, i was like LOL what is the matter with you woman, are you okai?
But then i guess she really did predict it well.. LMAO
Okai then, me and BL didnt speak, and it was actually ML that was speaking to me, he was really friendly etc
Anyways, then on the 27th, F*CK me its freshers was on, and we all went to that, me and my YOLO group, and then we predrank at EWs and yeah, BL wasnt there or anything.
And then we were in the queue and he was there, and then we didnt really see each other after that.
But half way through the night, i lost all my friends and i found BL and ML, and then i was like oh hiyaaa!
And we all danced together etc, and then me KL2 and PH left to go eat.
But then we came back to find the rest of our friends, and then i was at the entrance cos obviously the event was finishing so we were just waiting outside, and BL was like 'DAPHNEEEE!' and came out and like hugged me, and i was like hi? o.O
And then he gave me his jacket cos it was freezing af (not as cold as it is now, it is legit arctic weather outside atm, i dunno how imma survive the cold inna dress tonight) and he was like hugging me from behind and stuff and i was like whaaaat?
And then i had to go cos i was staying at DJs and i was starting to get on the bus with the jacket on and he was like 'that jackets coming home with me whether its off you or on you' LOOOOOL
So.. With that cheesy line.. We started talking, cos the next day i fb'd him and was like thanks lalala.

OKAI BLOGGY, so im back in Bham, and imma carry on this post cos i had to go out last time!
So yeah, so we started talking on facebook, and i wouldnt say we really got on or anything, in fact the first time we spoke, he was a bit like bland, and i guess maybe we just didnt know each other so we didnt really speak a lot!
Then i had to switch off my 3g cos i was getting the train back to Bham that night so i was like, whats your number, il text you instead?
So then he gave me his number and we started texting, and honestly, i read back on those texts the other day, and lemme tell you, you cannot tell that wed end up how we are now..
We dont seem to have anything in common at all haha!
But maybe we just didnt have a chance to talk about that kinda stuff..
But then i guess i was already like, maaan, this guys a cutiepie ^^

And then on the 9th of October, there was an event called Ten:10, and for some reason, i stayed at his on the 8th..
And we were lying in bed, just chatting, and we had some dmcccc.
And literally we talked for HOURS, just about life, us as individuals, telling each other about ourselves, and it was really interesting.
We got along really well, there was no awkwardness, and you'd expect awkwardness, seeing as we had pretty much JUST met.. And we just spoke about everything really.
We played 20 questions, and we were just finding stuff our about each other, and we had a lot, and by a lot, i mean, a lot, in common.
So then that night, which was technically the 9th, i fell asleep in his arms, (i know right.. we were already like sleeping cuddled up and stuff..) and then i woke up at like 4am to like change sleeping positions, and he woke up too, and suddenly, he kissed me..
And at first i was like what the fudge is this.
I pulled away and i was like 'what are we doing..?'
And he was like 'I dont know'
And i was like omgah..
And then we kissed some more.. Not gonna lie, there was no denying the chemistry between us.
Then we stopped, and i was like wait waittt, we should really talk about this.. (Yeah, im that kinda girl who needs to know where she stands otherwise i get frustrated af LOOL)
And then he was like 'Im really bad with my words' and then he came up with some shitty analogy and he was like 'you know how some people see the curtains as blue, but others might not'
And i was like.. 'wtf are you even tryna say? LOOOL'
And he was like 'Well when we were talking, i was just like i wanna get to know her, like really wanna get to know her.'
So he was basically tryna say he wanted to get to know me but he didnt know whether i wanted the same.. I know, shitty analogy right?!

And i was like.. 'Do you wanna get to know me or do you just wanna do stuff? Cos thats different.'
And hes like 'Both'
And i was like ahh..
Cos i dunno, i dont wanna be friends with benefits, and i hardly knew him right bloggy?!
So i shouldnt get with him or anything of course!
Then we kinda just forgot about it and went to sleep cos i was tired af LOL!

The next dayy was a wednesday, and i ditched him to go hang out with MT, and he was already like 'ohh i see how it is, ditching me :('
Hahaha, needy from day one (i liked it though, it was honestly sooo sweet ^^")
And then Ten:10 came, and honestly we hardly saw each other cos the clubbing event was shit and me, MT, WP and RO left at like 1:30 and went to KFC (post clubbing food is the best! HOT WINGS BABY MMMMMMM)
And then we went to casino to play mahjong and BL came to find me o.O
Like, he left the club early and came to find me?
And then that night, we walked out the casino with my friends, and he like held my hand..?
And i was like omgah o.O Like.. This is happening.. In front of my friends..
WHAT DOES THIS MEANNNNN?!
And then RO the silly girl didnt wear a coat, so i started to take mine off for her, and she was like, dont be silly lalala, and i was like, noo seriously its fine, cos BL was taking his jacket off for me.
But then RO still didnt lemme take off mine for her, so i was like to BL, give RO your jacket, and he actually did hahaha!
Bless himm ^^
And he told me he kinda missed me and stuffs hehehe ^^"
Then we got to the bus stop to take the night bus home, and then like after waiting for like 15 minutes, BL was like, i forgot my keys..
So we had to wait for JH and ML to finish eating, and i was like, allowww waiting at the bus stop, so we walked back to china town to find the others to wait for them to eat!

Then the next week, i went to London to see him again on the Tuesday, and then on the Wednesday morning, like, 1am kinda time, we were lying in bed, and i was messing about, and i changed his phone background to me hahaha :D
And then we were talking and we were kissing, and i was like, were moving too fast.. I dont wanna do anything like this, like no friends with benefits..
And then he was like, 'Really?! Were at this stage (and he showed his phone to me with my face on it) and you say were not more than friends?'
And i was like.. 'You never asked.."
And then he asked me out!
AND THEN THE WEEK AFTER HE TOOK ME TO THE AQUARIUM!
Did you know bloggy, this was the very first date of my life..
Ive never been so happy in my lifeeeeee! ^^
It was the best day/date EVER.
And he did this thing where he was watching me be happy, and he looked so happy seeing me be happy, i dont even know how to describe it..
Like, he still does it now, hell just look at me and smile, i dont really get it, and it makes me shy cos im like, why are you looking at me? ><"
But yeahh, just seeing him smile as well, it makes me so happy ^^
And he tells me like, as long as im happy, then he is too..

And then like, as time has passed, we just keep finding stuff that we have in common..
Like, the way we think, our sense of humour, the majority of our morals, our thoughts on life, our thoughts on the future, just us in general..
Both JH and CT tell us that were like the same person but im a girl and hes a boy.
Ahahaha, and i agree, we are literally the same person, we pre-drink the same, were both dorky, and yeah, its the freaking best.
We actually have so much in common, and i would list them bloggy, but itd take foreverrr.

So yeahhh, weve been together 2 weeks over a month noww!
Time has FLOWWWWNNNN.
Its seriously gone so quickly, i dont even know where the time has gone.
I finally feel like my boyfriend is also my best friend now.
Ive never felt that before, but yeah, im finally experiencing it and its the best ^^
Like, i dont always feel like im lovey dovey with him, but when i am, its great, and sometimes when were not together or talking, i dont feel like, omg i have a boyfriend, i need to always talk to him, but like, i know hes my boyfriend.
Theres a really good balance.. Does that make sense?
Ahhh i dunno how to explain it, maybe im just being really lame and in love T_T"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So now, its been 4 months and 9 days since we've been together..

TIME HAS FLOWN YET AGAIN.

I am now 21, in fact, its 2014, and I'm 22 this year.

Oh my life T_T

Im getting so old.

We have had many more dates since our aquarium one, we went to the zoo!

DID YOU KNOW THAT LONDON ZOO HAS SO MANY FREAKING ANIMALS?!

And we finally had a cinema date.

We've just done a lot together, so much that i don't even remember some of the stuff because were literally like an old married couple..

I spend most of my week with him, and I'm in Bham hardly ever now, which sucks cos i miss CT too :(

But yeah, were practically an old married couple, we even went to B&Q together to shop for taps.. LOOOL!

AND HE TAUGHT ME TO DRIVE THE OTHER DAY!

I drove for the very first time, and he said i was good >:]

YEAHHH BUDDDYYY!

Drivings fun you know?!

And then obviously because now its February, Valentines Day just passed, but he had work, so we made up for it on tuesday, and we went to Duck and Waffle, and eurgh it was just the best, and AJFiapgbuaobg.
Were still the same, its strange, its like, were in the honeymoon stage still, but also comfortable, but its like we've been like this since day one..
I think cos we have so much in common, we just got along really well from the beginning and we've just been comfortable from the beginning, but we've also been on dates since the beginning.. It makes me think that well always be like this and well always just be all stages rolled into one (which is a good thing haha, in fact, its an amazing thing.)

Honestly, when i talk about him, i struggle for words, because i don't even know how to describe what i feel..

Its so lame of me, but whatever.

But yeah, if you wanna know about my silly soppy feelings, just read the post below, because thats actually from today! I guess today is a day of catching up with you :)

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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250214 ~ ♥

I never thought that id be lucky enough to experience what I'm experiencing right now.
Those who are lucky enough to experience love should really treasure it, because it will be the most indescribable emotion/feeling, that you will ever feel.
You know when you think that you're not good enough for anyone, that theres noone out there for you, that noone could possibly want to be with you out of all people?
Just know that even if you think this, theres always light at the end of the tunnel, your guy/girl will come, and when they do, the wait will have been worth it, because patience is a virtue, and good things come to those who wait.

There are so many things that i could say about him, about us.
But as i sit here, i realise that i would be typing forever.
There are literally just too many things that i could say and write.

I can't really sum into words how he makes me feel, but in the least amount of words possible, i can tell you that for now, he's the one.
And by that, i mean, forever.
That word can be scary, forever, if you think about it, thats a hella long time.. But its true, thats really how i feel.
And regardless of how he feels, and whether he feels the same, i know that my feelings are real.
People who have been married for years and years will say, she doesnt know what true love is, how does she know he's the one?
But, you know when you can just tell?
Thats how i feel.
Every waking (and sleeping) moment spent with him is the happiest moment.
When he tells me that i come before everyone else, that outta everyone in this world, I'm the most important.. I can't even begin to describe how that makes me feel.

Its like when he holds my hand when were walking along, it feels like he's gonna bring me somewhere good, no matter where it is.
Its like i know he'll guide me good places.
And i feel safer with him than I've ever felt with anyone else, when he cuddles me in bed, when I'm lying in his arms on our phones, when were sat there and he's playing guitar and I'm singing along, or just when were sat there doing nothing, i feel like I'm in the best place possible.
Its like all i want him to be happy. His happiness > My happiness.
This is a lame ass post T_T IM SO GAY OMG AKfHAAUGEAA ><"

Is it possible to find yourself, literally, your exact same self, in someone else?
Because thats what I've managed to find.
He is literally me, in male form, is that possible?!
We laugh at the same stupid things, we have the same stupid sense of humour, everyone else thinks were bat shit mental hahaha, but honestly, we don't give a shit, and its great, that i can be myself around someone, and they're themselves around me.
And I'm happy because I'm the first person (so he says, and so il believe) that he's ever opened up to like this, and it actually makes me feel really privileged, to know that he trusts me so much.
Of course, we have slight differences, some of our morals are different, but then its like, they're so different, were two halves and then we make a whole?
Like how i like to post pictures of us on instagram, and he doesnt like to do that, but then he loves pda, and i don't, and its like, were the same but different, AND I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT.
I guess you'd have to be me, or him, to understand just what its like to be us..

Ahhhh, he makes me feel like the luckiest girl in this world ^^"
And its so lame, cos i say this stuff, and its CRINGEY AF, and it makes me wanna punch a wall to feel manlier, but then at the same time, i mean every single word, and i love it *sigh*
Im just so freaking happy with him, BLAHHAIHGAIAFBABAUBFA, GAAAYYYYYY.

Basically bloggy, all i wanted to say was, hi, how are you? And that, heres my update, because i haven't updated for a long time, its been a great 4.5 months with Ben, so I've been a bit busy, SORRY!
Il try and update more in the future ^^
I CANT BELIEVE ITS ALREADY NEARLY THE END OF FEBRUARY 2014! FML ITS GONE SO QUICKLY WAAA.
Im getting old, 22 this year.. Holy moly i am ancient..
Im already like, a quarter way through my life (if i get to live till 80 that is..)

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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111113 ~ ♥

Haii bloggy,

Long time no blog!
CAN YOU BELIEVE ITS ALREADY NOVEMBER?! WHEREEEEE HAS THE TIME GONE?!
Sooo.. The reason why i havent been blogging is because i have had nothing sad to report!
ARE YOU PROUD OF ME?! :D
In fact, I HAVE BEEN VERLEE VERLEE HAPPYS ^^
SO YEAH, just seeing how you are etc, and to tell you i am great ^^

Over and OUTTTTTTTTT

♥

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210913 ~ ♥

I refuse to let you be the one to make or break me.
Have a good life, asshole.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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130913 ~ ♥

Why am i getting jealous..?
Why does it make me wanna cry?
Why does it make me wanna hibernate and never see the world again?
You said that you spoke to her last like 36 hours ago..
36 hours.. You counted?
If i count, then whats 24 x 30?
Thats 720 hours.
But you dont seem to give two shits about that.
Do i really just matter that little to you?
Is our friendship that irrelevant to your life?

Im not sure whether im jealous of you or jealous of her..
Ones my best friend, ones my ex boyfriend.. What am i supposed to be feeling?
To be honest, why do i even care really..
We had a phone conversation today, and we were just talking like two people who hardly knew each other..
We laughed together, and spoke about our past, and yet, we were so distant..
You said you hardly spoke to FH or JF..
And i outright told you that youre a shit friend.
Then you said having friends is a hassle..
If having friends is a hassle, then why are you friends with KL1?
Or is it just a hassle with certain people?
If its that then i can see where youre coming from, but why are you such a dick now?
Why are you such a massive douchebag?
You said youre the same, but lets be honest, youre not are you?
Youre no longer the TC that i used to know..
Youre just an ass.
And i told you that already..
In fact, i called you an ass about 2 or 3 times today.
Why are you talking to her so much when youre friends, and me so little when were friends, and you and JF and FH are friends?
Wheres the sense in that huh?
I dont understand..
Can you please explain it to me?
I dont get it..
Are we just not good enough friends?
Or is it awkward cos of our history?
ARGHH, EXPLAIN TO ME YOU ASSFACE T_T

Over and OUTTTTTTT

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130913 ~ ♥

Is this the real thing or a false alarm..?

Over and OUTTTTT

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110913 ~ ♥

Bloggy, can you believe that its been 12 years since 9/11 all those years ago?! o.O
I cant believe it!
My heart still goes out to all those who lost someone due to 9/11 because no matter how time goes on, and no matter how people say time heals and fixes things, it still must still hurt to have lost someone.
In fact, my heart goes out to everyone who's ever lost someone, so basically, most probably everyone..
Losing someones like an un-mendable hole though isnt it?
You think youre okai, but when you think about it, it still hurts.
Right?

Anyways, onna different note..
Ive been needing to pee more, had minor breakouts, have sore boobs, hair loss has got worse, and feeling tired all the time..
These are what i call universal signs of a certain thing bloggy..
Im just praying that these signs arent leading to something that i really dont want..
Ohhh end myself, why did i even get myself into this?!
I always make these stupid decisions that make me a stressed ball of stress.
I need some control in my life when it comes to a certain person T_T
CONTROL GOD DAMNIT.
I shouldve checked it that night, i shouldve checked it before i threw it away.
WHY DIDNT I CHECK IT?!
I guess i was just so confused and when i walked into the bathroom, all i wanted was to throw it away and get rid of it and never see it again.
So here i am, regretting not checking it before chucking it.
Good one Daphne.
GOOD FUCKING ONE.
Getting myself into this freaking mess.
I pray to God that this is all just a coincidence.
That all these signs are just coincidences.
Cos if theyre not, well, i dunno what im gonna do.
Im fucked really arent i?
Literally.

Over and OUTTTT

♥

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110813 ~ ♥

Ive always wanted siblings since I was a kid..
But the way that my mums siblings treat her makes me thank the freaking LORD that im an only child.
Im sorry you gotta go through this shit mum ><"

Over and OUTTTTTT

♥

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070713 ~ ♥

Ugh, i am so sick and tired of so many people bloggy.
I swear, humans are just the freaking worst.

Over and OUTTTTTT

♥

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240613 ~ ♥

Why do i let you affect me?
I wish that whatever you said just wouldnt change how i felt, or my mood..
But when you speak to me, i start to miss you.
Just let me enjoy my holiday okai?
If you want to mess me about, then wait till im back in 5 weeks and do it when im back in england.
I need a break from all your shit okai?
Stop playing me about.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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170613 ~ ♥

*sigh* What is my life bloggy?
I was happy af before, and now im just sad af.
LOL LOVE MY LIFE.

And omg, i just found THE most relevant post on Tumblr: 'I’m broken and you’re the only one who could put me back together, but right now you’re far too busy smashing me into smaller pieces.'

Over and OUTTTTTT

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160613 ~ ♥

Hey bloggy, few days no see! (Ahahah i believe the correct term is long time no see, but it hasnt actually been that long, only a few days! ^^)

TODAY IS DADDYS DAYYYY!
Happy fathers day to the best daddy in the whole entire world!

Hahahha this is his 'silly face' =p
SEE HIS BLUE EYES?!
Arent they cool?
Since the day i was born, my daddy has been my hero.
There is no other word to describe him, apart from hero.
There has not been one day where he hasnt been there for me.
Im pretty sure that during the whole 20 years of my life, hes gotten angry at me only twice.
And by angry, i mean raised his voice..
He is the best person that i know, and will ever know, with the biggest heart in this world.
I hope that my future husband will be everything that my daddy is to me, to our future children.
Or maybe even half.. I wont be greedy, half is enough seeing as nobody will be as perfect as my daddy i guess ^^
I know you know this already daddy, cos i tell you all the time, but il say it once more here: I love you ♡

On another note, I have a confession!
Today, i miss XF..
Its not that i dont miss TC.. Its just that i miss XF too..
Awks..
It makes me feel really horrible that im missing two different boys at once, ottokae? ><"
But like, that doesnt make me a terrible person does it?
I dont know what to think.. Especially when XF is so bipolar with me, and hes sucha little pussy sometimes T_T
Like.. I think i miss him because we havent spoken much lately, cos hes been revising, and maybe his presence is lacking in my life?
But then.. I never cared that much before?
So im not sure whether theres something there, or whether its just cos we have been speaking a lot in the past few months and so now i consider talking to him like a regular thing, so thats why i miss it?
I HAVE NO CLUE OMG ><"
WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LIFE?!
And then im not sure whether i miss TC, or whether i just miss him cos he sent me a damn snapchat today *sigh*
Its like, i thought you said you didnt wanna talk to me as much cos you didnt want me to get the wrong idea?
And yeah, i told you that we could just be friends, but dont snapchat me all the time then..
And then its like, sometimes you snapchat me like a madman, and then sometimes, you dont reply to my snapchats at all, and its like, are you treating me mean to keep me keen?
Are you just being a massive dick?!
And you havent texted me or spoken to me for ages, and its just like, what is my life *sigh*
And like, why do i even care really..?
But i do..
And i am a dumbass and a half, cos for some reason, i stupidly thought that you only sent me that snapchat, but OBVIOUSLY, it was just a chain snapchat HAAAA.
ME SO STUPIDDD!
And anyways, for some reason, i dont wanna watch your snapchat, i dont know why.. I just dont wanna see your face today, but theres that massive one by my snapchat thing reminding me that youre there T_T
And stupid Mr Bean's Holiday is on tv, and i know how much you love that movie!
I have that on my laptop cos you loved it so much that when you came to Bham that time, you downloaded it so we could watch it together..
And another dumb thing, when i was writing the last line of the happy fathers day message to my dad above, i thought of you cos you used to always say that to me.
Thats how much we loved each other.
Fuuuuck.
Why am i reminded of you every time i manage to not think/forget about you?
And it sucks, cos the majority of the time, youre the one who reminds me you exist.
Maybe you should let me forget about you, maybe its for the best if i just forget that you were ever a part of my life.
HA, who am i kidding? Of course i couldnt forget you, i couldnt forget you for shit.
But maybe it is for the best if i just dont speak to you, dont hear from you, and dont see you.
Maybe that way, il be able to get over you and move on like i need to.
Because im pretty sure that youve done all that already.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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140613 ~ ♥

Just tell me what you want from me.
Please.

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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030613 ~ ♥

'Just Give Me A Reason' - Pink Ft. Nate Ruess

Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them

Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh
Things you never say to me, oh, oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh, we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin'
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah, but this is happenin')

You've been havin' real bad dreams, oh, oh
You used to lie so close to me, oh, oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh, our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Oh, tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, oh, that we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

From me to you, i mean this.
I have this song on repeat on my itunes atm..
Its just literally how im feeling.
I dont expect a text all the time TC.. But i hope we can have a chance, to be friends, or to be more than friends, just not strangers.
You never know whats gonna happen in the future, but hopefully well never get to the stage of being strangers again.
We went through that for nearly a year, and its everything that i didnt want to happen to us, but it happened, so please just dont let it happen again.
I dont really understand what i want to happen myself, so i couldnt possibly explain, i mean, i cant even sort out the thoughts in my head, let alone put them on paper.
Watching the strangers again video again.. Me and TC never went through stage 5: tolerance, or stage 6: downhill..
Things just ended so abruptly in stage 4.. Its like hd didnt give it a chance, or didnt try, nor want to fix it..
He just stopped it before it had a chance to end, and what part of that is fair?
For all he knows, it couldve gotten so much better, screw him.
But meh.. Chances.. Lets hope that well be given them, for whatever reason.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTT

♥

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030613 ~ ♥

Dear God,

I have a question to ask.
Is there a reason that I'm being put through this mess?
I understand that my problems arent half as bad as lots of other peoples problems, and maybe my issues arent important to you at all, but i would like to know whether there will be light at the end of the tunnel..
Its really just a question, i just want some answers, because i dont know how much longer i can hack this aching feeling in my heart.
You might not know, but the other day FH came to the takeaway to surprise me, i had no idea that hed turn up and it was such a nice surprise :)
But then he asked me if id spoken to TC lately, and i said no, not recently, cos he never replies to my texts, so its just a bit like, if ive tried, then why should i try again if i get ignored? Right?
Anyways, FH was like.. Really? Cos he always asks whether ive seen you and its like all the time.
I was like o.O Thats so weird, cos like.. If you wanna know about me, then talk to me and maybe reply right?
Anyways, so that happened, and then i wake up the next day, so like, saturday morning, i wake up to a text from TC..
I mean, God, your timing seems impeccable sometimes.. *sigh*
Anyways, you know when you just wake up, and youre squinting at your phone screen (do you have an iphone? hahahha ^^) cos the brightness is practically blinding?
Yeah so there i am squinting and i check my saps, and then i see i have a text, so i open it and its from him, and im just like WHAAAAT.
What is my life? T_T
Anyways, hes like sorry he hadnt messaged inna while or whatever..
So i was like, its fine lalala, and then we were texting throughout the day, but not really that much cos i texted FH when i saw that text and asked him whether he told TC what i said cos maybe he had something, then it wouldnt be so weird right?
But FH said he hadnt, and then we spontaneously decided to go out which was fun ^^
We went to eat and stuff, so i wasnt really texting TC that much, and he was busy etc, so yeah!
Then i had work, so not much texting, and then i went out with FH and JF that night after work to chinatown to eat siew yeh! :D
We didnt eat till like 1:30am.. I WAS STARVING LIKE A STARVING CHILD *sniff*
But then food came so i was okai ^^
Anyways, the point is.. the past two days TC has texted me when hes woken up..
Like, he texted me really early yesterday morning, and then we texted non stop from like 6pm - 1am..
Why is this happening?
I told myself i wouldnt reply to him..
But then theres a part of me that wants to, and its always in the back of my head that i havent texted him back..
And its like that part overrides the rest of me, why the hell do i give him this satisfaction?
Im sorry i used the word hell God, but i cant help it, i just dont understand what my life is atm..
I have no control when it comes to him, and i want to be able to have self freaking control ><"
So anyways, yesterday our texts got kinda flirty at some points, and i wouldnt say it was flirting, id say its what were comfortable doing with each other.
We were just texting like we used to and it wasnt just friendly at points, but i think we both realised and we kinda stopped a bit.
And then other times hes just so cold and meh towards me.. Is he bipolar God?
Why do i know so many bipolar people? *sigh*
And i was telling him about events that were gonna happen over summer, and he was basically saying he wasnt going to anything i was going to..
Is he tryna avoid seeing me in real life?
I dont know what ive done for him to want to avoid me ><"
And part of me is so damn glad that im getting away from the UK this summer cos i just wanna be able to be happy over summer with my best friends in HK.
And like, i dont think i can bear seeing TC being all friendly with everyone else and not me if we all met up together..
But then knowing that hes gonna be in the UK all summer.. A part of me wishes i wasnt going to HK so that i could hang out with him, and even if it was with a group of other people, i wish i was able to see him..
THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS COME TO, PART OF ME IS CHOOSING UK OVER HK JUST COS OF THIS STUPID FREAKING BOY.
I dont want to be like this.
Oh yeah, then last night, he was like, im sleeping, night!
So i was like yeah cool whatever, i didnt text him till i slept and i was like, goodnight!
And then i thought to myself, Daphne, you had a good day of texting him, just leave it at that.
You have good memories of him from today, so just remember that.
I had a feeling that he wouldnt text me today, and i even told CT that i knew he wouldnt.
I just knew it..
So this morning, i checked the time on my phone when i woke up, and even though i knew i wouldnt have a text from him, i couldnt help but feel disappointed..
But why was i disappointed? I knew he wasnt gonna text..
I shouldnt care right?
Im also having the stupidest thoughts in my head..
But like CT said last night, i am very right and very psychic about this kinda stuff.
But having said that, im psychic with everyone elses stuff, but with my own issues, im such a noob.. *sigh*
I really hope that my stupid thoughts dont ever come true..
I would lose friends, and itd be outta choice, and i dont want that to ever happen in my life.
I hope that il have a lucky life from here on out, and i hope everything turns out well, even if it hurts for now.

So what im asking God, is, im not trying to be rude, but are you playing a game with me?
Because if you are, can you let me know whether i win in some way in the end?
Is there a happy ending for me?
And are you doing this for a reason?
Are you trying to make me a stronger person?
Because i gotta tell you, this isnt fun at all for me.. I dont feel stronger, in fact, i feel like even though i try to act strong, i just wanna break down every other second of the day..
Its been over a year now, and here i am, and i feel like im back to square one..
Were talking again, but its like inna limbo..
Were not good friends, were not more than friends, were not just friends, were not strangers..
What do i do with my life God?
Please can you guide me somewhere?
I believe youre up there in heaven somewhere, please help me and put me out of this misery.
I want a way out of this, some days i feel like there isnt a way out of this, and if i wasnt here, everything would be so much easier.
But i dont want to throw everything else away for this one boy..
But please give me strength to get over him, i really need your help.
This is the first time I've written with you in my mind, because i feel like i havent shown you just how much i believe in you.

Please dont let me down like he did, i have faith in you God.
Please dont use me as your chess piece anymore unless i have some sort of winning chance.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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