250113 ~ ♥

FH added CT on fb today..
Whatttt, whyyy?
This just reminds me of that time TM added ST..
LOOL OMG, whats up with my white friends? T_T (Sorry for the racial thing, but its true, although FH isnt completely white..)
And i had this sudden urge to text you.
To text you and say 'OMG BEE! *** ADDED *** ON FACEBOOK! WHAT IS LIFEEE?!'
Buttt, i couldnt.
And just as i was about to, i stoped myself.
Because, well one, youre no longer my bee, two, we havent spoken in about 24894 years, and three, and most importantly, were not even friends.
And although i think i might still love you, its totally your fault.
But then why am i still not over you?
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I am so over tryna get over you, and the irony is, im still not fudging over you T_T
I dont understand my brain, i just want it to die.
I just want it to shrivel up and leave me alone, its just not working since you broke my heart ><"
Why did you tell me you loved me before you did it?
Please, i just want explanations and a reason.
Why lie to me?
If you didnt love me then why lie?
You did me no favours by lying.
Maybe the time for me to get over you will come soon, but until then, i feel like my hearts gonna die of heart palpitations or some shit soon.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTT

♥

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210113 ~ ♥

Even my own dad said to my mum that if TC came back to me, id go running to me.
No.
I dont think my dad understands how wrong he is this time.
Yeah its true, ive given him chances before, but this time he fucked up.
He fucked up badly.
He broke my heart and i dont know how long its even gonna take me to forgive him and get over him, let alone just let him fuck up my life again.
Nu uh, no happening, no way josé.

I gotta wake up at like 7:45 tomorrow :/
So imma go brush my teeth, get ready for bed etc whilst i watch a youtube video, and then imma read before i sleep ^^
Goodnight bloggy.

Over and OUTTTTTTT

♥

P.s. Happy 20+1 month to me! ^^

And i didnt even realise it was gonna be the 22nd until i looked at the date right now to double check if it was the 21st today..

And i used to remember way ahead of time!

But now that ive reminded myself, im gonna remember T_T

Great, i made myself go back to square one.

Good one Daphne.

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200113 ~ ♥

Im back in Bham now bloggy!
Its seriously cold outside.. As in like negative degrees cold..
Its meant to go down to -8 degrees in the next week..
This time last year i was with TC, and wed take turns going to each others, and wed snuggle up together and cuddle and watch movies.
These memories really hurt my fucking brain, and even more now because im all alone.
Why cant i bring myself to hate him?
And more importantly, why the hell am i not over him yet?
Even when he was sucha fucking dickhead.
For fuck sakes.
I bet youre fucking pleased with yourself.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTT

♥

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160113 ~ ♥

What do you do when you think your mum might be cheating on your dad?
Its not like i have proof or anything.. But like, i was suspicious of this ages ago, but then i kinda forgot about it and tbh, he didnt seem like he was with my mum or anything when i was in HK and around them..
But then hes always calling my mum when shes back in England, fair enough, whatever, friends talk on the phone right?
But then her HK mobile rang today..
And she was out, and i went to see who was calling her, and it said 'B'
So there i am feeling like something smells fishy, and then im like, 'maybe her friends called B'
THINK RATIONALLY OKAI DAPHNE?!
But then the home phone rings, and its her friend who i call 'Uncle Cloudy' (dont ask..)
And im just like, COINCIDENCE?!
I dunno what to think :/
When i asked her about it before, she told me nothing was going on, so fair enough, i doubt she would lie..
Eurgh, what do i doooo?
And more importantly, should i talk to my dad about it?
I dont think i should but its just like, EURGH, id want someone to tell me..
Although maybe he knows and is just choosing not to say anything.
Ottokae bloggy? :/

Btw, i just got home from the takeaway and i had to walk home..
It is currently like zero degrees, i was freezing my ass off at first, but then, as i carried on walking, i didnt feel cold, i kinda just felt numb.
Makes sense really, but i was also thinking about TC whilst walking home.
I think being in the cold and on my own always makes me think about stuff.
And i think this was the first time id walked on my own in the freezing cold since we broke up.
I was singing Vanessa Carlton's 'Thousand Miles' the whole way home hahah ^^"
And it just reminded me of him..
Why outta all songs did that song have to get stuck in my head? T_T
BOOOO YOU BRAIN!
But yeah, i guess its okai, i just do really miss him still..

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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150113 ~ ♥

Just bought THE most expensive birthday present for someone (apart from my parents), and im majorly trying to justify myself!
I am gonna be poor af this term..
But i am gonna be eating like nothing and saving money that way..
So i guess it works out?
SOMEONE JUSTIFY MY ACTIONS?!
Maybe i shouldve saved seeing as im going to HK twice this year.. o.O
But you know when you just wanna buy something nice for someone that you know theyre gonna love and so you just do it spontaneously?
YEAHHH I DID THAT!
Hashtag yolo with me somebody!

So i havent blogged about TC for a while bloggy, it seems like whenever i sit down to blog, all the stuff that im feeling throughout the day just doesnt come out onto 'paper'.. I dont really know why ><"
Like, i was thinking about us cuddling up in my Cosmo room the other day, and i really thought that i wouldnt think about stuff like that because hes never been in it before so inna way, theres nothing for me to remember!
Wrong, my imagination works well.. too well for my liking actually T_T
So, seeing as i dont have much to say about him right now, i guess i wont force myself to write about him, but il probably start blogging about him again soon, who am i kidding?
I have the ability the size of an atom to get over him.
What is my problem? T_T
More important, what the fuck is his problem? T_T

Im gonna watch Silver Linings soon! :)
I am very excited! :D

IM SO HUNGRY FML.

Right, im off to make some dinner and watch Silver Linings!
I will leave you with some song lyrics!

"Somebody That I Used To Know" - Gotye

Now and then I think of when we were togetherLike when you said you felt so happy you could dieI told myself that you were right for meBut felt so lonely in your companyBut that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kinda sadnessLike resignation to the end, always the endSo when we found that we could not make senseWell you said that we would still be friendsBut I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me offMake it like it never happened and that we were nothingI don't even need your love, but you treat me like a strangerAnd that feels so rough

No, you didn't have to stoop so lowHave your friends collect your recordsAnd then change your numberGuess that I don't need that thoughNow you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to knowNow you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me overBut had me believin it was always something that I'd doneBut I don't wanna live that wayReading into every word you sayYou said that you could let it goAnd I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know-oh-oh

But you didn't have cut me offMake it like it never happened and that we were nothing (oh)I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a strangerand that feels so rough

(oh)

No, you didn't have to stoop so lowHave your friends collect you recordsAnd then change your number (oh)Guess that I don't need that thoughNow you're just somebody that I used to know

Somebody that I used to knowSomebody (now your just somebody that I used to know)That I used to knowSomebody that I used to knowSomebody (somebody) (now your just somebody that I used to know)That I used to know

I used to knowThat I used to knowI used to knowSomebody
Except i never felt lonely in your company and you didnt even say you wanted to be friends.You just cut me off.I guess everything wasnt as perfect as you said it was.Now youve just left me with paintful memories..
Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTTT
♥

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090113 ~ ♥

Have you ever wondered how a person can just be so happy and normal with their life, when they've done so much to break yours apart?
I wonder this every single day.
Do they feel no guilt?
I know a lot of people would say, they probably dont care, but i still havent managed to get over it like, nearly 8 months later..
I want to be able to just move on, to forget about the asshole and what he did to me, and just be fine again.
I dont understand how some people can just move on so fast, like, stop liking once person, then like someone else a few months later.
Can you people please teach me how to do that?
I really need to move on, because he clearly has.
And how can i just be sat here, wanting and needing someone to be in my life, when they dont give two shits about me anymore?
Not even as a friend..
Why cant we be friends?
If hes over me, and knows im already trying to get over him, then why cant we be friends?
Or at least talk like civilised people.
WHY ARE YOU SO UNCIVILISED?!
Dont you remember any of the stuff we used to do?
Or how we used to be?
Was what we had real?
Did you really love me?
Or did you never love me?
Or did you realise near the end that you didnt really love me, but thought you did?
I have so many unanswered questions, so many confusing thoughts.
My brains about to implode.
You watch out.. Im gonna come over there and fight you T_T
Imma fight you till you tell me the truth about the past 8 months.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTT

♥

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030113 ~ ♥

Happy new year bloggy!
Im currently eating dry cereal, it a sad day when theres no milk for the one time i eat cereal..
Since the last time ive blogged, ive managed to turn 20, get through yet another christmas, and enter 2013!
And the last time i blogged was only 2 weeks ago!

Errr.. one thing that i still havent done are my essays..
I now have 24 hours to complete two 2500 word essays..
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If i never blog again, assume its cos im dead from the stress.
Why do i do this again?
As if its fun or something..

Its the 3rd of January 2013! :)
Its officially a new year and well, this year, my resolution should be 'put the past behind you and focus on the future.'
I think thats a fair resolution, and i might actually be able to follow through because you know, people hardly ever stick to their resolutions ><"
For me, this year, i want all my friends and family to be happy :)
I would say 'new year, new me' but i think that thats all bullshit..
Like no offence to those who think that they can achieve this, but why wait till the new year to say that?
If you really wanted to change, then youd change without it being the new year right?
Id also like some good grades this year..
Although looking at my track record.. and how my essays are working out atm.. lets face it, that area of my life isnt looking very bright is it?
If it isnt being too greedy God, id like to be skinny ^^"
If theres some miracle where i can eat loads and still be skinny, id love that.
I am so jelly of people who can eat and eat and eat and stay skinny, aka all of my friends T_T
WHAT IS LIFEEE?! T_T
And maybe a few uplifts in the looks area wouldnt hurt either..
I have so many attractive friends, and then theres me.
LOL seriously, what is life, this is getting unfair now T_T
We have all my beautiful best friends, and then theres me, whos like a blob in the corner..
Great, loving life..

Why is it that i still cant get him off my mind bloggy?
Just the thought of him calling my name like he used to, and making me give him kisses, and grabbing my hand straight after letting it go when we had to let go in the street, and giving me cuddles, and getting annoyed when people used to break us up when we were walking..
Eurghh ><"
Just thinking about him doing all that with someone else, who isnt me, kills me.
My heart sinks to the very bottom and i feel like everythings broken.
I wonder when the time comes for him to do those things with someone else, hell think of me?
You know.. cos i was his first girlfriend, and first love, and we were together for quite a while..
Although, having said that i was his first love.. i dunno if thats true..
Seeing as in that stupid letter that will forever haunt my mind, he said that id know when i found true love..
So i guess he hadnt found true love with me..
Had everything hed said all been a lie then?
Or did he really love me
OMG I DUNNO WHAT TO THINK?! ><"
Or is this all just me being a stupid idiot, and naïve for thinking that hed ever think of me again..?

He fb wall'ed me happy birthday..
And if im honest, it kinda upset me.
Facebook wall post is sooo.. impersonal..
So i texted him later that night, saying something along the lines of 'so youre talking to me now? or was it just for my birthday?'
And then before i could see whether it had sent, i deleted our conversation cos i didnt wanna have like an eye sore in my inbox if that made sense?
Well.. i shouldve just dealt with the eye sore, cos i never knew if itd sent or not..
Awkward moments :/
Anyways, i wasnt gonna send it twice.. so i just left it..
And then i proceeded to text him on christmas day.. and then on new years day..
And no replies.
He shouldnt have raised my hopes into thinking he wanted to be friends again if he wasnt gonna follow through..
He told KL1 that he wanted to give us space after he broke up with me.
I get that he wanted to give me space, i get that.
But why did he have to give himself space?
If he broke up with me cos he didnt like me anymore, then why would he need to give himself space..?
Surely he wouldnt need space..
And if he thought that he needed space cos he was scared that hed end up back together with me if we didnt give each other space, then thats just pure stupid, cos even if we were friends, we wouldnt end up back together if he stopped liking me..
So why did we break up?
And if hes over me now (which im pretty sure he is, well at least i assume so..) then why is he still ignoring me now?
Ignoring just a measley text..?
If hes over me, and im obviously trying to show that im starting to be okai with us being friends again, then why wont he text back?
Does that make sense bloggy?
Like, if youre over someone, youre not going to ignore that person who was sucha big part of your life..
Youd text back at least to be like, how are you kinda thing no?
WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?!
I legitimately dont understand boys bloggy ><"
So once again, i am left in this shitty situation, where i have to continuously fight my own mind into stopping thinking all this stupid stuff.

Oh yeahhh, the other day, XF came over..
I hadnt seen him since.. january 2010..
3 years..
I hadnt seen him throughout the whole time i had been with TC..
Of course i never felt the need to, because i dont think i couldve..
Just because even though hes just my friend, TC would always have the fact that XF was my ex in his head..
Well anyways, i saw him the other day and it was nice catching up with him :)
I was glad i saw him, but thats the thing, i dont think il see him for a while now.
Thats just how our friendship is..
We dont talk for ages, then we talk for a while, and we dont see each other for like years..
LOL what is life?!
But yeahhh, catching up with him was nice, were still really close and its like we saw each other the other day kinda thing.
It wasnt awkward at all! :)

Rightt..
Now that ive finished blogging..
I need to get down to my essays..
This is gonna be fun..

Over and OUTTTTTTTT

♥

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201212 ~ ♥

18 minutes until my birthday.
For some reason, i hope that you won't wish me a happy birthday.
Its not like i expect you to wish me a happy birthday anyway, its just that if you dont, then itll just give me a reason to hate you.
But then on the other hand, i really wish that youll wish me happy birthday.. What do i even want?
Either way, i want to hate you.
WASSUP DAPHNE CHEUNG?!
EURGH, okai, i needa stop this.
IM TURNING 20, i needa just move on with my life.
Seriously.
Well, the worlds supposed to end anyways, so whatever, i guess God will do that for me! ^^

Over and OUTTTTTTTTT

♥

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141212 ~ ♥

When I close my eyes I think of you

And the times we've had been through 

Even though we're far apart right now

I remember back when you were here with me

How you've made my world complete

But now I'm left alone

We talked about love and hope

Wishing we could start a life our own

I wish that I could live without you

[Chorus]

Why did you tear my heart apart

You said you'd love me from the start

All those painful things you've put me through

But I'm still loving you

I've tried to give my best to you

I don't deserve the things you do

Everything has gone to memories

I just wish I knew the truth behind the lies

[Repeat Chorus]

'I'm Still Loving You'  - Shiga Lin

Sucha cute songg ^^

And the lyrics remind me of TC way more than they should, but its just sucha nice songg ^^

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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121212 ~ ♥

Check out the cool date bloggy!

Tumblr is downnn, i guess the world really is ending ><"

It hasnt worked for hoursss fml!

But im keeping myself busy watching Gossip Girl :D

I came home for Christmas today, and i am so, so nervous about seeing TC..

I dont know how im gonna react, or how hes gonna react..

I dont know whether i want to see him to be honest..

But i know i have to in order to be able to start to get over him.

I was saying to CT today that i was worried he has a new girlfriend, and what if he brings her to our home town?

I think id die if he had a new girlfriend, let alone meet her..

But i know that i cant stop him having a new girlfriend, its just that it would break my heart even more, thats all.
My world would crash and burn *sigh*

I hope im not that easy to get over and just unlove.. ><"
I bet if i gotta new boyfriend, he wouldnt give two craps T_T

But if two people are meant to be, then theyll be, right?

I was just thinking about stuff, and this time last year, TC was telling me that hed definitely come to my birthday party last year, and that no matter what, he wouldnt let me down.

And he was right, he didnt let me down, in fact, this time last year was when our relationship was at its peak.

This year, i doubt hell even wish me a happy birthday.

And i think that thats when il be really upset, because i expected a happy birthday from him every year.

And he asked me whether hed get a new years kiss, and i told him of course.

And sure enough, at midnight of the 1st of January 2012, he wrapped his arms around me, and whilst everyone else was shouting and screaming and singing and hugging cos it was a new year, he kissed me and told me he loved me.

A while later, whilst were all still with our friends, what do i get? A text telling me hed loved me for 365 days and that he wanted to be with me always and forever.

Well, the text was much longer than that, but my brains learnt to block out the details of texts from him over the past 6 months.

This coming 1st of January 2013?

Il be lucky if i get a smile to be honest..

I just hope that by then, il be over him so that i wont even care if i dont get a smile.

Not sure how that ones gonna turn out..

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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051212 ~ ♥

这么快又一年啦..
年年个一月我都觉得: '死啦, 又要等这么久 先到我下个生日!' 但是, 其实时间过得好快.
我有十六日我就二十岁啦.
我都觉得我自己其实未长大.
我希忘我今年可以大个小小和坚强小小.
我希忘唔会令我自己再失忘啦, 也唔会再给他伤害.

张翠娃, 记得最重要是忘记他这么对你..
如果可以忘记他就当然最好了 :)

加由!

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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041212 ~ ♥

Cancer: You Think of that Person as Perfect - You project your idea of the perfect one onto them and you overlook their weaknesses or flaws.

Is that how you felt about me..?
I know its stupid of me to ask this really.. But i really do wonder.
You used to tell me i was perfect, but i really doubt you meant it now.

Lets be honest, im not am i?

And it shows, cos youve gone and broken my heart and left.

I was right.

I used to think that we both slept really late, because wed be texting all day long and then wed always text each other good night around 1am..

But now, i sleep at abnormal times, like 4am or something stupid, and my days feel so long T_T

And when these days feel long, i miss you so much more because it feels like i haven't spoken to you in so long.

But if you think about it, 6 months really isnt that long a period of time..

I miss you so much, i really dont know what im supposed to do..
Today i was speaking to XF and hes been so nice to me lately, and even when i say things that i used to say to him, however small, and however irrelevant to our relationship, i feel like the worst person in the world.
When i really shouldnt because were no longer together and the things that we used to say to each other are no longer significant.
But after i say those things, i physically want to take them back, or like, untype them or something, because i feel horrible, i feel upset at myself for typing those things because i feel like they were 'our' things that we said to each other.
Its ruined everything because i should be able to say things to people normally, and yet the smallest of things seems to matter to me and remind me of you.
What have you done to my mind?
Just uncast this stupid spell on me already!

Im stuck, and i wish i wasnt.

Somebody help me.

Help me get out of this horrible place.

Please.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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241112 ~ ♥

Today i was on the train to London to see my London babies.

A memory of us decided to bombard my brain..

It was of when me and you used to mouth 'colourful' to each other cos it looks like 'i love you.'

Id say 'i love you too' and youd say 'i actually said colourful!'

Id pretend to be sad and pull a massive sad face..

Then youd laugh and giggle and pull me close and give me cuddles and kisses.

Why did you leave me with such amazing memories if theyd just end up being memories? ><"

Theyre such a painful part of my life because they are now, only memories.

It just makes it harder for me to get over you..

Ive done too much for you, and i have to leave you alone.

I know this.

I guess youre not truly mine then.

If we were still together, then youd be with me, next to me, cuddling me whilst we fell asleep together.

Everything in my life would be so much easier in my life.

Id be able to fall asleep, all comfy in your arms, instead of not being able to fall asleep every single night.

I really dont know what i did wrong.

Can you tell me?

Will you at least speak to me to tell me that much?

EURGH I DUNNO WHAT I DID WRONG, WHATS YOUR PROBLEM?! T_T

You are sooo frustrating!

Every day, im still surprised at how stupid i was.

I just cared a hella lot, and well.. you just didnt..

You douchebag T_T

So did you know that youd end our relationship?

You said that youd never let me go ever again..

You lied.

You built up an ending to our relationship from the very beginning..

Pretty sure this was us..

Exactly like this.

You liar.

You massive, massive liar.

Is this what im feeling right now?

But not for you..

For someone else..

I DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL ><"

I DONT UNDERSTAND MY OWN FEELINGS!

WHAT DO I DOOOOOO?!

But im pretty sure i dont like that person, cos i still like you..

Eurgh, what is life?! T_T

Both those boys are the same person to me.

Theyre both you, youre a douche *hmph*

You really fucked me up, you know that?!

These memories make my life hell.

I remember these things and it just feels like im reliving it all over again.

I hate remembering these things, why have you done this to me?

But you broke all your promises didnt you?

So everything that i expected was a lie.

You didnt carry any of your promises through, eurgh.

This is so true!

I hate this aspect of myself.

Someone can be the slightest bit nice to me, and il just start to love them or something T_T

ITS SO ANNOYING, because i get so caught up in it all and i just misunderstand both theirs, and my own feelings..

I wanna do this so i can fall asleep ><"

Anything to be able to fall asleep now..

Youre probably asleep already, youve always slept early.

You probably didnt give a care in the world before you fell asleep, didnt think about me at all..

Whatever.

Thats what i thought about us.

But thats where i thought wrong.

Stupid me.

Stupid, stupid me.

You did trick me didnt you?

I really thought you cared about me.

I honestly thought you felt some care for me.

Im a fudging idiot.

Thanks a lot you bum, now im always too scared to trust anyone, eurgh.

You stupid boy, I HATE YOU.

YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!

I miss you.

But if you came back to me, im not sure how id react.

But i do miss your presence, your place in my life, in my mind, in my heart.

Baby, I miss you.

Over and OUTTTTTTTTTTT

♥

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