OMNOMNOM!
I gotta wait another 25 minutes till they're ready, and then i have work at 5 T_T
FML.
My uncle wants me to work on mondays as well now..
Greatttttttt.
But at least i get moneys! So thats okai ^^
The infinity bracelets i ordered arrived today ^^
Waiting for all my deliveries takes foreverrr T_T
Watching Revenge on tv and skyping HC atm!
I need distractions mannnn, this is too much.
I couldn't sleep till 5am this morning again..
When i was falling asleep, out the corner of my eye, there was orange sunlight coming through the bathroom windows, reflecting onto the wardrobe in my parents room. (Im sleeping in their room right now)
I hate being alone at night, at uni, i had other people in my building, but i hated it at times.
It felt so lonely :/
On thursdays and fridays, id have TC, id be in his arms, happy.
But monday through wednesday, it could be scary.
Im scared of the dark, and i guess, thats why when i slept at 5am this morning, and i had the light, i felt better.
I get scared in the night in my house, even if it has been my home for 19 nearly 20 years.
Call me pathetic but i do get scared the big old age that i am at!
At some points, i want to just call my mum and ask to come home and look after me, but i can't do that.
Like i said, I'm nearly 20, i can't want her to come look after me, plus, she has her course starting this week, and after all these years of her trying to find something to do that she loves, i can't ask her to not do it.
Just cos I'm at home alone for a month or so ><"
TC was meant to keep me company this summer, it was meant to be the best summer ever, and now its turned into the worst.
I have no feeling of comfort, and i feel so unsafe.
There is not one single part of me that feels safe right now, i feel so vulnerable, so easily hurt.
I haven't yet had a break down yet, I've just cried a bit, but i know when i find out the real answers, i will break down because it won't be what i want to hear.
I have no hope, i just know this is not gonna end well, and i don't know what to do.
I feel so unhappy, so unlike myself.
This is not who i am, before i met him, i was always so happy.
But then i fell in love, and i became open to pain, hurt, vulnerability.
Love isn't easy, it can be so hard, and it just means you're open to getting hurt.
But all of it was worth it, id do it all over again just for him.
But now, he's no longer mine, its not for me to do all over again.
Why did you tell me that you'd never leave me, that you couldn't?
Don't tell me things if you're not gonna follow through.
I thought i meant something to him, i thought he loved me so much.
Why was my judgement so wrong?
What have i ever done to deserve this?
Over and OUTTTTTTTTT
♥
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